I am in fourth year. Yes, I am once again in my fourth year course. This is the third time that I am in the my fourth year. I still remember my first time as a fourth year student, that was when I was still in high-school. I was so excited
about the idea of finishing my high-school years.
Of course like everyone else, I also suffered answering that question about what I was to take up in College. I did not know how to begin answering that question, for I wasn’t really sure of what I was to study, much more, I really didn’t have any plan to continue college.
Yet, I still look at my first fourth year with nostalgia, thinking how simple life was. I was just part of a whole and often times I was consumed by the whole, to say, I was a nobody. If you’ll ask some of my batch mates of who I was, probably they would have to spend long minutes, even, hours thinking who I was, and that is if they knew me at all. I was an average, if not below average, student. I also suffered, a lot, in Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, History, Literature, and yes, even in P.E. I finished my High-school by miracle, at least, that was my class adviser told me and for some reason, she was right. It was a miracle.
That miracles really exist is something I do not have to prove. I believe God often makes miracles, especially in my case, for I often find myself going against His will and that I often give Him extra work of making miracles so I could go back to His way. As I am saying, miracles do exist. Although, I did not have any plans of continuing college, 5 years after finishing my High-school, I find myself once more as a Fourth year student.
It was my Fourth year college. Like my first fourth year, that fourth year was also a simple one. However, unlike my fourth year high-school, my fourth year college was a little better. Yes, I still suffered in academics. Like my classmates, I also suffered thinking about Metaphysics, logic, Anthropology, Literature, History and no, not P.E. for I didn’t have that subject. I finished this fourth year well, compare with how I finished the last one.
It seemed like I learned a lot in my High- School years. My Parents, although they always believed in me, were surprised when I told them that I will finish college with colors. I was not surprised that they were surprised, thinking of how awful I finished my High- school. Although I enjoyed my High-school life, I enjoyed more my college years.
It was like I found what I was looking for. Like I enjoyed everything I did. I felt that it was the way I want in my life. I know I was right. I enjoyed my second fourth year and I also tried my best that others may enjoy their second fourth with me. I enjoyed my second fourth year, because I enjoyed with the people around me. I enjoyed being with my classmates. To now, I could tell hundred or even thousands stories about my classmates.
I could describe each one of them in the way that people could know them simply by listening to how I describe them. I am sure they could do the same about me. I was a part of the whole, but the whole did not consume me, but the whole will not be a whole without me or without other which is also part of the whole. Like my first high- school, I was also faced with an inevitable question.
However that question was not as simple as to what I am to take in college. First, because I was already finishing college and second because, my decision would affect my whole life.
“Tutuloy ka ba?” was the discreet question often asked to me by my parents, relatives, friends and even, yes, my classmates. That question refers to my plans of continuing to Theology. “Tutuloy ka ba?” seemed like asking me, if I was going to take another step?
I answered Yes to that question. And as a consequence, five months after finishing college, I found myself needing to studying foreign language. I wrote a while ago that miracle exists. And because miracle exist, I found myself in my third time as a fourth year student. Unlike those other fourth years, this fourth years presents to be a little more complicated.
People often asks me where do I work or what I am doing here, I tell them I am studying. The next thing they will ask is what course I am taking. And that question will lead them to yet another complicated response, Theology. Mostly their response is another question “Ano yun?”. When we reach that part of conversation, I often try to change topic, knowing that my response might provoke yet another question.
Yet, there exists another problem. I am not a high-school, neither a College and not even in Masteral. I am in fouth year, not high-school not even college, simply I am in fourth year. Another thing that makes it complicated is that I find myself away, in language and in distance.
I have to learn Spanish to be able to understand my classes, read books and of course, take exams. Unlike in High-school and in College, I do not have quizzes, preliminary, midterm exams that makes the final exam a little easier or shorter depending on how one see it. I only have one exam per semester, and it is commonly known as Final exams.
The mere sound of the word makes everyone shiver and sick. However, like my second fourth year, I also find myself enjoying this year. I find myself enjoying the things I do, the people I am with, the persons I meet. Unlike those other fourth years, I realized how important studies are. I finally understand what was my College professors told us before that we should not only study for exams.
Being in third time fourth year made me realize the importance of knowing. My responsibly of studying so that I may be able to contribute something to the future. As I advanced in learning, I found out that there are so many things to learn and realized how little I know. Whenever I look back at those other fourth years, I often regret those opportunities which I missed of enjoying and learning while studying. In my first fourth year, I did not give myself and focused less on my studies. In my second fourth year, I gave only half of what I had to give. This third year of fourth year, at least I am trying to give myself to be able to learn what I have too.
My favourite Filipino author known as Bob Ong once wrote “Maaari kang lumaki nang lumaki at tumangkad nang tumangkad nang wala kang alam kung Puno ka. Pero, Hindi ka Puno, tao ka. Dahil Tao ka, karapatan mo at tungkulin mong matuto at mag-aral.”
I am in my third time as Fourth year and yet, I still enjoy studying. If I would be given another chance to study more, without I doubt I would grab it. Learning, studying, discovering is fun. I suggest one should not throw that chance of studying.