The Writer’s Disease

Envy    (Photo Credit :    Dmonalon)Envy “the writer’s disease”.  She wrote, “It’s desire that causes envy. Isn’t desire the villain here? Yet how to be an artist without desire.”

– Bonita Friedman

Bookstores are my sanctuaries. The scenery of books in shelves calm my very being. The closer I get, the more in awe I become. I don’t usually pass by the bibliography section but this one time while waiting for a friend, I decided to check it out. To my amazement I have never thought I’d be this close face to face with these great writers. I read excerpts of the bibliographies of Milton Friedman, Ayn Rand, Oscar Wilde, and Mark Twain. I couldn’t help but feel this unquenchable thirst, this strong desire of envy towards them. And as I read further more I find myself drowning in this sickness that I have concocted all along.

Envy is not different amongst us men. We are envious of what we see everyday. Envy of what we don’t have and what we are not. As an artist and a writer, as invidiousness seeps in my veins slowly in minimal doses, it distracts me from my work as it detaches me from my prime goal. The way it crawls and creeps in us is similar to greed which is the sickening feeling of consuming one self. The more envious you become the more it eats you alive. Sometimes it turns you against your works and sooner or later against yourself.

I admire the works of Maria Ressa, Jim Paredes, Emil Jurado, Stephen Fry, and Ayn Rand. I admire them so much that I wish I could write like them. My desire is what causes envy yet I know that desire is the fuel of every artists and writers to their craft. To prevent envy, I must stop desiring. How can I write without desire? Envy as seen in a different perspective could also benefit a writer or an artist, if used wisely it can motivate you to improve your craft. It’s one of the ironies of life, sometimes we could use a little bad to produce something good.

Image Credit/Cover art by Dada Mon-alon

author:  dmonalon

p.e./mj

About Dada

Dada is a visual artist and a sentimental dreamer based in Quezon City. Whenever she's not working, she's a serial writer of poems and prose. Her obsessions as to date are mixtapes, succulents, and watercolor painting.
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