I don’t know if I’m going to feel happy or sad. Tonight, I am turning the last page of my notebook. It’s the same notebook where I put everything that I wanted you to hear. It’s the same notebook which became my best friend that listens and stays with me when the nights of loneliness visit me.
All of the pages were the silent witnesses. They are the only companions during the long weeping times. They act as a hanky to shed every drop of tears. They are the pills that calm me when the ghost of the heart you broke haunts me. But now, I am setting myself free.
Tonight, I should be happy for turning its last page because this marks the end of my relationship with our bitter past. I should be happy for at last, I will be free from that long agony of missing you. As I turn the final sheet… I won’t write a thing about you anymore. Yes, I should be happy. However, the guilt is striking me. I also feel like I must be sad. Because if I continue writing this note, if I use the remaining spaces of this last page… I will bid good-bye to my best friend. This will be a forever good-bye for I will not see it again. Not anymore.
Should I keep it? Bury it? Trash it? Burn it? I have no idea. All I know is that after putting the last word in this note, I will never bother myself to look back or to even think of those miseries again. There will be no traces of our memories. No more tears. No more sheets to accompany me. I’ll put a dot for those cold nights that tormented me… Sigh!
The truth is… I am not sure of this decision. I can’t convince myself to move on. But I have to do this! It’s hard and it’s shattering me. I’m confused but all I know is that something must come to an end. Though it seems to kill me if I finish this, I am sure that I’ll be happy at least.
author: G. Kabalyero