Six (6) Degrees of Confession

 

Is it always better to say it all than saying nothing at all? When is the point in time that you have to admit or keep a certain thing within yourself?

For heads up, here comes the six stages of confession..

Impact

Like a strike of lightning followed by the rain of thoughts and submersion under the river of questions like why and what happened, but the answers were nowhere to be found as if they decided to play with you and tag you along the way that eventually leads into the pit of bewilderment.

Pretense

When we try to avoid the thoughts of falling for someone and its possibility to conquer the deepest part of our hearts making it the main reason why our brains are becoming more dysfunctional over a short period of time. Lying, putting an act of deception as if it will make you believe that everything is normal, that there is no single thing that is wrong with the abnormal beating of your heart when that person is just a seat away from you. Then there is hypocrisy, “a false display of feelings”.

Submission

The point when you finally admit to yourself that there is something unusual going on behind the rift between your brain and heart thus, letting the latter win as your mind submissively give way to a never-ending battle of finding sense and logic even in the most senseless, unlogical circumstances. But in the end, a white flag will be raised as if for admission of defeat and finally accepting that you’re once again tricked by a fist-shaped thing which was only tasked to pump blood all over your body.

What If’s

Hesitation finally kicks in. The stage where your brain teases and tends to wake the overthinker side of you. What if’s and should have beens are the most beginning of your sentences making you an idiotic creature, lacking of courage and self pitying loser. Each time passes makes you sorrowful and eats you up with regrets for not telling what’s inside you. Sometimes these words were giving you pointless hopes like maybe..just maybe he feels the same way as you do and making you look even more stupid later on.

Confession

Life is hard but life with extra-confessing activities is harder. It was like letting your pride be swallowed and forgetting the definition of ego for a moment as well. What’s forming in your mind is only a make-shift directions of your heart. Brain is being set aside. Revealing the truth though you have merely no idea what will happen next, such a courageous act. Mustered courage and defeated hesitation may or may not help sorry to say this. Better come up with a plan B to Z.

I wish I hadn’t

The last and dreaded stage. When you come and think about these words every time, then you know you have failed. Telling him brought you no good. This is the phase similar with “what if’s” stage, when regret is eating you but as an after effect. Regrets are always there but it depends wether if it is a before or an after occurrence , either way, it brings heartache. Also the same with “I wish I did not” phrase.

Then that’s when the realization will hit you, telling and revealing everything sometimes makes you more uncomfortable. Sometimes producing lies are far more better than being honest. These are often true when the love you have is an unrequited one. Sad eh?

But I regret nothing. Telling you is the most beautiful and bravest thing I ever did. I feel sorry and thankful at the same time. This is the 6.1 degree. Gratitude.

A note to myself.

About Serene

loves reading and writing. enjoys cooking. writer at heart i.t in profession.