Sign Seeker

Sign Seeker (Photo Credit Kamranweb)
Sign Seeker (Photo Credit Kamranweb)
Sign Seeker      (Photo Credit      Kamranweb)
Sign Seeker (Photo Credit Kamranweb)

Hindi talaga ako naniniwala sa mga signs. But since there’s really no harm in trying,I tried to ask for some signs one time. I was on the verge of giving up then,but I still have this little hope in my heart.And that little hope wants me to keep fighting.So, ano bang dapat kong gawin?

I’m the type who wouldn’t enter a relationship just for the sake of having one. Ang gusto ko, may feelings na involve. Or a simple attraction. Basta dapat may something. I’m also secretive. I don’t really talk about my lovelife. I never allowed anybody to know na nasasaktan ako. I never talked about the guys who broke my heart. Parang go with the flow lang yung buhay ko.  Kung sino yung nadyan, pinapahalagahan ko. Yung mga nawawala, hinahayaan ko lang.

I tried my best to show na kahit ano pang mangyari, ok lang. Na kung iiwan man ako ng mga taong mahal ko, ok lang din.  In short,my life will still go on with or without them.  Pero gusto kong ilabas to.  Baka sakaling gumaan yung pakiramdam ko.

I fell in love with this guy. No, let me rephrase that. I’m not really sure if what I felt then was love. The guy and I aren’t even friends. All I know is that, sa loob ng ilang taon, siya lang yung gusto ko. I wanted him, only him, to be my first and last.But I felt like I can never be enough for him. I know he cared about me, pero hanggang dun lang yon. End of the story.

Then one day,I met someone who’s a lot different from guy no.1. We became friends and we had something more than that. But he left. Iniwan niya lang ako sa ere.  I pretended it’s alright kasi ayokong isipin ng ibang tao na ako yung kawawa.  But I still think about him, hanggang ngayon.  I already forgave him for what he did then, pero kapag naiisip ko na nagawa niya yon, nagtatampo pa din ako.

And now he’s back in my life again.  Ako yung naghanap ng Facebook account niya.Right, ako yung dahilan kung bakit visible siya ulit sa buhay ko.  Pero nararamdaman ko na sooner or later, aalis din siya.  ‘Di ba sinabi ko na humingi ako ng mga signs one time?

I posted 5 lovely quotes sa wall ko.  I silently prayed na kahit isa lang yung iLIKE niya, I’ll let myself fall for him again.That I’ll fight for him kahit ayaw sa kanya ng mga friends ko.  I didn’t really expect that he would, kasi I know him so well. I know that he won’t do it, he never did it anyway.  Lahat ng may koneksyon sa ‘kin after what happened then, hindi nya pinapansin.  But surprisingly, he did. Sign number one.  Check. Pero nagkataon lang yon. Hindi yun enough.  Isa pa.

Nakalimutan ko na kung kailan to.  I used my phone para magFacebook kahit hirap na hirap ako.  Patapon na kasi yung Nokia 7610 ko na lumang-luma na.  I’m using Facebook zero ng sun cellular kaya ang dami pang interruptions. Ang daming message ni 7210.

Ewan ko kung dahil 10.00 lang yung sim o dahil ganun talaga. Basta ang alam ko, hindi birong tiyaga ang kailangan ko para lang makapagFacebook ako through my phone. Nung finally nakakonek na ako, I saw a message.  Nung bubuksan ko na, nawalan na naman ako ng signal.  I have an idea kung kanino yun galing.  Hindi sa kanya.  But still, pinagpray ko na it was from him.

Sabi ko noon, kapag galing sa kanya to, maniniwala na ko na he’s the right one. Akalain n’yo, galing nga sa kanya.  That was the very first time na nagmessage siya sa ‘kin.  I swear.  Pero coincidence lang siguro yon.  Hindi pa rin convincing eh.Isa pa ulit.

Nasa jeep ako while roaming around a place kung saan posibleng makita ko siya dahil doon siya nakatira. Hindi mahirap tong sign na ‘to. Pero hindi ako sigurado kung siya yung nakita ko. 50/50.

4th sign: I asked God na kung hindi siya para sa ‘kin, ilayo n’ya na sa ‘kin habang kaya ko pang mawala siya sa buhay ko.  Habang hindi pa ganoon kadami yung nainvest kong emotions.

And now I’m a bit worried because I don’t hear any word from him.  Lahat ng naunang signs, balewala na.  Ahai, naku.

author:  jianne

p.e./kf

About Jianne

I love writing. 😀
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