“Ex-es should be friends...specially when situation ask for it.”
Before I met him he was happily in love with a woman. He loved her very much and she loved him, too. They were a happy couple back then; they had encountered hardships in their relationships; and like many other couples they also suffered ups and downs.
But because they loved each other that time, they tried their best to be strong and faced every problem that came their way. One of which is when she got pregnant. They were not yet married that time, but she was accepted in his house, and his mother took care of her. He asked her to marry him and they agreed to do this after she gave birth, but because of conflicts and differences among two parties, they did not reach this stage. They parted ways; she took her son and went far away, but he looked for her and for his son. He found them and things began to get better, but things happen, they parted for the second time around and they did not expect that this second time around would be their parting……. for good.
Eight years after, she is now happily married, enjoying being a hands-on mom to her kids. But……… what about him, where is he right now?
“Him” is now my boyfriend. Yes, a loving boyfriend; a loving father to his son; and a loving son to his parent.
We were just simple office mates and friends before, until he started to show his interest in me. Since we were office mates that time, we managed to hide that we were dating and the only person who knew was my former boss. My contract ended and I was employed in other company, but our communication continued.
It was fun to remember that I even made jokes in our office that I had a crush on him even if I did not feel it for him that time, and one of our office mates believed it and then, when she heard the news that we are now in a relationship she thought that it was because I took the first step. I felt sorry for not letting her know; but I just didn’t want my name to be a “pulutan” in their “tsismisan” time.
Before, he was happily in love with her, but now he is happier loving me everyday and I am, too. I can still remember his honesty when he told me that he has a kid the first time we dated and that his kid lives with him.
“So, tell me about him, I mean, how old is he right now?” I asked him while we were having a meal together.
He said a lot of things about his son and he was shocked with my next question.
“Where’s the mother of your son, sorry to ask , but why didn’t you make it?”
“She is now married and has two kids.” He answered.
I felt that he was uneasy to talk about his ex, but it didn’t stop my curiosity to ask another question about her and I was shocked when he held my hand and said……“Can we please not talk about her? It’s not because I can’t stand it, but I do think it’s not a good idea to talk about other persons while we are dating, I mean I asked you for a date, so it would be nice if we can talk about me or you.”
“Okay, so have you been in a relationship after the mother of your son?” another silly question from me, but this time he answered me.
“Really???” as if I couldn’t believe it. “I mean, you didn’t even try to court any other woman?”
“I tried, but it’s just that no one became my girlfriend, maybe because I am not giving my best and maybe because I’m not ready yet and……I always consider my son every time I am thinking of courting another girl…… and it seemed that they were not interested in my son. I…I mean I wanted to marry a woman who’s willing to accept my son. I know that may not be easy, but I am still praying and hoping for it.”
It was a silent moment after his lamentation. He is right, no woman would dream of marrying a ready-made family and I was one of them. That was what I thought before, so I did not imagine we can be in a relationship in the future, but it happened. Time run so fast and now we have been together for two years and still counting on and we hope wishing to exchange our vows in the next two years.
It’s not that easy to be a girlfriend of a single father. A lot of people don’t want to go back to their past when they have found happiness with another, but our situation is totally different. He has a kid and his kid has a mother, and the mother has the right to see her kid. So it cannot be avoided that they need to have some communication regarding their child, and seeing each other can’t be avoided if she wants to see her child.
It sometimes made me crazy, I felt like giving up a lot of times, but look at me now…… I now know how to handle situations that may cause others to be uneasy, like meeting the mother of his child and becoming her friend. This may sound weird to others, but because of this, my boyfriend loved me more than before.
It’s summer time and it was also a time that he has to accompany his son to the summer capital of the Philippines, where his “ex” and mother of his child is living. He wants me to come with him and because I didn’t want him to go alone, and honestly, because of my little-bit jealousy that they will see each other again and this time without the presence of girl’s husband, I chose to come.
I know you’ll understand me; maybe if you were in my shoes, you’d do the same. Rather than die with thoughts of “what ifs” — what if he becomes alone with her, what if they fall in love again, what if…what if….
I chose to go. At least, I would see for myself how the situation is between them, how they talk to each other, if they are still sweet, or has become more platonic in dealing with each other.
Saturday afternoon, we arrived in Baguio and had a late lunch while waiting for her to fetch their son, but he received a text message.
“Is that her already?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied, “and she wants us to bring Mark to their house.”
We rode a taxi and Iwas a bit nervous. In a few minutes they would be seeing each other again and I get to meet her, too. She… him… and I will be meeting in person. Him, his past and his present.
We arrived. She offered us tea. Talk was uncomfortable at first and I couldn’t remember who initiated the small talk. I just found us talking about some things. Then became quiet and talked again. I ignored all negative feelings which kept on entering my mind that time. I told myself, “just be friends with her, she is nice, she accepted you in her house, and she even accommodated you”.
And Yes! I managed to have a straight conversation with her. We had a great talk. Thanks to my boyfriend, he gave me strength. He was always by my side, he never left me and made me feel that he loved me, he even did things that he didn’t do before, he was so sweet, and asked some things like “can you massage my back a bit?” in front of her.
It was just an action, but it was more than words for me. He exerted effort for me to realize that he no longer had feelings for her and I felt that he loved me more than before. He appreciated my understanding in their situation and she was also thankful.
After what happened I can now say that SHE…..HIM…..and I… are now friends.