Shaking the Foundations: Falling In and Out of Love

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Is there, really such a thing called, falling in and out of love?

Visualize two rivers, which collide and merge as one. The melding of their powerful tides makes for big splashes of water that create large, churning waves, which ripple down to the far stretches of the riverbank.

After a while, the big splashes begun to subside and the churning waves start to recede. The ripples that they produce can only travel a short distance now.

Until, finally the waters have settled beholding a larger, stronger, and steadier river.

Now, visualize a man and a woman who both decided to embark on a romantic relationship with each other.

They are excited for one another. Both can’t wait to see the other, can’t wait to be with each other. Their every moment is magical; everything is new; each day is special; kisses are so passionate; hugs are so tight and warm. They could spend an entire day just staring at each other.

Just like the two rivers they, also merge as one.
Their affection for one another sparkle like big splashes of water, intensifying their passion like churning waves that explode into ripples of emotion, holding them, enraptured in that feeling of bliss, making them believe that everything will be all right now.

They have fallen in love.

After a while, the intensity of their emotions has also settled down just like the big splashes and the churning waves of the two rivers that emerged as one. They have become accustomed to each other’s presence now. They are no longer that much excited; they have become habituated to each other’s kisses and embrace. Suddenly everything seemed normal and routine. They could go hours of being apart now and not notice the absence of the other. Days will pass without romance, but that won’t bother them at all.

The splashes are gone and the waves have settled.

They have fallen out of love.

Have they really fallen out of love? Did their togetherness just grew into something deeper, more stable and more mature? Could it be, perhaps that this is a chance for them to attain something called, “Genuine Love”?

See, this is where most couples and their relationship begin to fail. They tend to misunderstand and to overlook what’s truly going on. They fail to acknowledge and seemingly refuse to nurture the growth, which sprung from their togetherness.

Kisses are no longer that passionate; Hugs are no longer that warm and tight; and the words, “I love you” no longer sound the same, all because they have done it to and for each other on a regular basis. Couples tend to say that they don’t love each other anymore because they don’t miss one another as much as they used to. Just because the things they usually enjoyed doing together has become routine.

The result: hearts are broken … dreams are shattered.

We must enable and will ourselves to see through and to feel through the travesty of skin-deep fulfilment. We must let go of our inherent desire for omnipotence. We must learn to defeat our human tendency to desire only the feelings that elate us then travail for genuine love and happiness. Even so because of our inability to perceive the literal, we continue to be lost in the extravagant. Blinded by false notions and tainted norms about relationships and love. Things become routine in a relationship exactly because, it was meant to be routine.

We must understand the labour of true love. It is a choice. It is something beyond flowers, beyond kisses, beyond sweet words, and beyond orgasm. You must choose to love the person, not love choosing the person for you. Of course, you have to start with the physical attraction and stuff to get you on the right track, but when it comes to it, it really is a choice, nothing else.

Why is it a choice?

Because there will be always someone better than who you have right now.

There will always be someone sweeter, someone more lovable, someone more adorable, and…

Someone more “qualified”.

Ergo, there’s always someone better than you are.

Therefore, you choose to love a person in spite of the imperfections. You choose to love a person in spite of the shortcomings. You choose to love a person in spite of the presence of a usually better choice.

You can’t go through life saying you loved that person when you have left that person for somebody better because it is yourself that you loved, not the other person.

This is the labour of true love. It is effortful and rich in sacrifices. You don’t love a person because you benefit financially; you don’t love a person because you benefit sexually; you don’t love a person because you benefit emotionally.

You love a person because you want to be everything to that person; you love a person because you want that person to be happy; you love a person because you want to help that person to reach his/her dreams; you love a person because you want that person to grow.

The only time that you truly love a person is when you make efforts and sacrifices for the benefit of that person.

Love is never about our own self.

Hence, when both couple are ready to do this for each other, they have found true love.

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