I wasn’t really against in long distance relationships, I’m actually amazed by those couples who can make that work, but I was sure it’s not for me.
However,I was very vocal that I don’t believe in long distance relationships, at least not for myself, and I never thought I would be one of those people who will forever be thankful for the invention of Skype.
Why did I take the risk? Who made me do it? It was him.
It wasn’t Skype or Fring that made it easy; it was him who made everything a breeze for me. He made me believe.
We fought against distance and we won. It wasn’t a smooth ride all the time ,but we managed to figure things out. We were doing it just fine. Things were great. I was happy and I couldn’t wait till we can be in the same country for good. That would just be “happiness” for me and I believed for him too.
It wasn’t third-party or distance or us falling out of love or us fighting over tiny, stupid things which brought us to the level we are in now. Maybe things aren’t as simple as they seem to be. It’s not always just a “yes” or a “no”. Sometimes things are beyond that. Most of the time, things are more complicated and painful and disappointing.
Our way of coping up with the complexity and pain that we are experiencing, that was our problem.
He has his own way, I have mine and somehow, those two clash. That was our main issue.
It’s not that we didn’t try to work things out. God knows how much we tried. God knows how much I compromised my way just to do it his way. And I would never regret that. And I would do it again if I need to. I believe I’ve done my part and I’ve done enough.I know it’s as painful to him as it is for me but sometimes we just need to end things; for us to move, for us to breathe, for us to think clearly, for us to grow.
I know I still have a lot of things to learn. I’m no expert in relationships, I kinda suck most of the time but I do believe that I dealt this one with the widest mind I could possibly have and in the most mature version of myself and for that, I’m proud.
My closest friends know how much this guy means to me and how dreadful this decision for the both of us, but somehow I’m glad. At least, I wasn’t betrayed, at least, I wasn’t cheated on; at least, we don’t hate each other; at least we didn’t just throw everything away, at least we tried.
He is still one of the best souls I know, he is still one of those few whom I believe deserves respect. He is still the guy I love.
Maybe this isn’t our time yet. But together or not, I’m looking forward to that time that our hearts can smile again. Hopefully, soon.
“But you have to let go, that’s part of it, isn’t it? Part of what it means to love someone. To really love someone. If you love someone, then you don’t just see them as an extension of yourself. You don’t just love them for what’s in for you. Love means knowing when to let go.”
-Tony Parsons’ Man and Boy
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- “People Break-up Everyday, It’s Not the End of the World.” -Tony Parsons’ Man and Boy - May 18, 2012