When I’m glad, I talked to him. The moment that I feel so frustrated, sad, mournful, or hopeless I just go to his home and everything will change. During that chaotic hormonal cycle when everything seems so bug down, black out and tear inducing I just visit his place; sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him.
Now here I am when all those mixture of mortal emotions set in I have no familiar, secure place to express all my heart’s contents. I missed Him, his heartwarming nest and most of all that feeling of being listened and cared.
There’s none more trustworthy, understanding and inspiring I’ve ever met since I left home. Away from our house every place is like a home, but without church it felt like I’m lost. I miss that familiar scent of incense, the cool sprinkle of the holy water, the cross sign , the peace be with you, the slightly uncomfortable kneel.
I know the idea that I could talk to him anywhere, but its so different. Weeks passed by that I even forgot to have a minute with him. It become months and by bad luck could even sum up to a year without prayers not until I went home.
In the church, after reading that words of wisdom from the holy bible, I had fallen on that stairway to the altar with my knee length dress and 2 inches high heeled shoes. It was by his grace that I remained unscathed after that fall two stairs away from the altar. It was then when someone whispered on my ear, ” you’ve become unfamiliar with his home that’s why it happened. “
I knew I have a choice. Without his home I could still talk to Him like before, but everything seems so far different than doing it in the place of worship. Without visit to church after some months that passed by in my lifetime I’ve changed. There’s some times when I could not even justify my actions. Everything seems to go wrong and I’m becoming an entity that I’ve hated before—uncaring, warfreak, lost…everything seems to be in total disaster. So this is how it feels to be away from that home sweet home that molded and sheltered me .
I miss Sundays, the church, the solemn moment with Him. I miss it and I realized I should never let my heart go astray from the wisdom that he’d inculcated in my memory. I could be far from His home , yet he’s always so near, always there. I’ll never let the distance , the absence , those unwanted mixture of bad emotions and burn out turn me into someone that I pitied before . I’ve been lost, but I’ll never walk a path that will bring me farther than him.
I’ve made a promise to him while lying on that white sheets in the hospital bed with all the discomforts and unbearable contraptions to just take me away from that so frequent scene and I’ll give care to His people. Its a bond that gives me courage to never get confused in the crossroads that I have to choose. I miss His home, but I’ll never let my heart miss Him when He’s just always there taking care of me. Knowing him and having Him is the most precious thing I have that I’ll never let go until my last breath synchronizes its halt to that silent heartbeat.
- Confessions Of A Playboy - May 2, 2013
- I Miss It! - April 30, 2013
- “Well-Counted Lub-Dub” - March 21, 2013
- LOVE? Let it flow….. - March 19, 2013
- Why Every Home Should Feel Like Heaven - March 19, 2013
- Soul Mate - November 26, 2012
- Curiosity Kills The Cat - November 17, 2012
- A Minute Away From Last Breath - November 17, 2012
- “Break It With Care” - November 15, 2012
- The Louder I Laugh - November 13, 2012