Caught In between

It was the summer of 2010 in Chicago, and the sun was at its zenith, and true to Chicago’s weather, when its summer its sweltering and steaming hot, not to mention being quite humid.

It was a great day for a beach outing at lake Michigan. The beach was crowded as usual, and you have all types of people lying on the sand or cooling off at the water. My gay friend wanted to go guy watching (its almost the same as whale watching the difference is we are spotting for the cutest guys tanning themselves under the heat of the sun). After strolling for awhile by the surf and sand we saw our victim and we reeled in for the kill. I was a bit shy at first so my gay friend did all the talking after all he spotted him first, and liked him more than I did.

He was so relaxed and just said,” he is just another guy and this would be fun.” So eventually he convinced me to join him and approach the guy sitting on the sand. From a distance he looked like that guy from the Nescafe ad (classic reggae Philippine commercial) with his long black curly hair and olive toned skin, he was a sight for sore eyes. As we got closer to him, my gay friend called out and said, “hey! nice hair.” He looked up at us and smiled and stood up. I was so weak-kneed when I saw how those eyes would look at you as if its boring holes into your soul. Those were the deepest set of jet black eyes I have seen. The conversation went well and I ended up talking to him more than my gay friend did who initiated the conversation. We ended up exchanging numbers and a plan to hang out and see each other again.

We had to leave because it was getting late and the group we were with were already calling us to go. When we got to one of my friend’s house, we texted each other and we both invited him on our Facebooks.

That was like June of 2010. Then my gay friend had to leave for a vacation back to the Philippines. We chatted and texted each other. But I was so hesitant to meet him alone without my gay friend. So what happened is that I kept refusing all of his invites to go out. Until November and I felt comfortable enough to meet him alone because we were already talking for about 5 months on Facebook. Autumn, a good time for Chicago, its not too cold and not too warm, its like being in a room where the AC is turned on 24/7. This time he had moved back in with his parents at the suburbs. And since I was ready to take the risk to meet him again, I told him if we could hang out and go to a haunted house by downtown. So we set up to meet up on a Monday night.

Blue Line (train) became so memorable those past two months we started meeting up (I’m not really sure if I would call it dating though). When he comes here from the suburbs he takes his car and parks it by the blue line (L-Train). I wasn’t sure what time he would arrive by the Irving park station so I asked him if he could just tell me when he is already at the train and then I’ll meet up with him. When he texted me that he was at the blue line, I was already on my way to meet up with him. I took the bus that would take me there, but I underestimated the traffic so he ended up waiting for me for half an hour. I was so surprised when I got there because I almost thought of backing out. This would be the first time I would hang out with a foreigner. But when he approached me with a smile, all my inhibitions just slipped off from my mind. So we went to the haunted house and had a really great time. It was I guess a perfect idea for a date (LOL).

I ended up hugging him as we walked through the dark tunnels where professional actors would just pop out from nowhere and then surprise and scare you from the corners. After the haunted house, one of his friends called him if he could hang out with them at a bar, so I agreed to join him and meet up with all his friends. It was so nerve wrecking at first, now I get to meet more people. All I did was hope that I won’t run out of any English words or stammer and humiliate myself in front of him and his friends.

I was sitting wedged between him and another guy, in a table at the bar. Introductions were done, and I found out that I was surrounded with engineers. (Damn it! and I hate math! that was the first thought that popped up into my head). But the conversation flowed out well, I related well to the guy beside me because he was into movies, which was good because I spend all of my rest time here and back home watching all sorts of movies. (Thank you Lord for that interest that you have embedded into me genetically).

One blooper I made though was when they started talking about sports, I should have kept my mouth shut with topics I have no interest in, I said Lebron James name wrong, but besides that he covered me up for my blooper, which I found kind of sweet. That was one night I got myself inebriated for quite awhile. When I left I ended up in his arms and kissing him, after that he hailed a taxi, and I rode off, with a wishful thinking that I might meet him again.

A week after we went out again. Until a month and a half had passed, we were still going out. During Halloween, we went to a club were all of my friends were hanging out. He was wearing a miner’s costume and I was a mad hatter. We danced and drank all night. And ended up making out in one of the lounge chairs at the bar.

At 4 am he asked me if he could go to my apartment. I declined not because I was not ready but because my sisters were there. I told him that I am the eldest and therefore I would want to set a good example, and bringing a guy back to my place would not be a good thing for my other sisters to see. He understood and didn’t ask me again.

In that light I appreciated him, for not pushing it and just simply waiting for it to happen. December came, and it was getting harder and harder for us to meet up due to the weather and my work schedule and how far he lives from the city.

He suddenly disappeared from my life, and it was alright with me because I have refused twice to meet up with him, and that was during Christmas and new years eve, because I had to spend it with my family, and I don’t know how to get to him because I can’t drive. And I don’t want to come and get me because I am not comfortable yet with having a guy come pick me up at my aunt’s place and cause too much talk or scandal.

I guess it just faded away. We talk once in awhile if I see him on Facebook but it wasn’t as constant as before. Then June loomed in the horizon, it is summer again, and he had plans to move into the city because he decided to pursue his masters degree. When he moved he started asking me out again. I could not say no to him because I still feel something for him and for whatever we had a few months ago.

But the problem now is that I just started dating a really nice guy. Who adores me so much and who would sacrifice to come and get me twice a week to hang out with me. Between him and the guy I’m dating now, I am left in between, without a decision.

Can I let him stay and let him be just my friend or should I let him go???

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