This is a letter that I wrote to myself two and a half months after my break-up with my boyfriend of 3 years and a month. This is my way of coping, and I hope that the people who are in the same situation can read this, and find solace in knowing that they’re not alone.
So yes, to all the people who have loved and lost, to all those who are still trying to mend the pieces of their broken hearts, this letter is FOR YOU too.
It’s been a little over two months since “the day”, and I can say you’ve made really good progress. You can now do your usual activities, you’ve made considerable changes in yourself and you’ve become more sociable and open to new experiences. There are, however, still some days that loneliness suddenly creeps in, and decides to suck all your happy thoughts. And it’s during these times when memories, both good and bad, make you wish for time to pass a little more quickly so that the pain can somehow go away.
But this I tell you, DON’T rush things. Let time run its own course. Yes, it sucks to be feeling depressed every now and then, but that is just a part of the healing process. Allow yourself to grieve. Cry those tears and never hold them back. It’s okay to cry yourself to sleep, to cry when you’re taking your morning shower, to cry even when you’re just washing the dishes and thoughts of him and what the two of you used to have, enter your mind. It’s okay to look at some pictures and cry because you know all they’ll ever be are memories of the past. It’s okay to remember how good it has been and cry because you’ll remember how happy you have been and that from now on, you’d have to find happiness in some other things.
Just feel the pain ‘til it hurts no more. Eventually, you’ll get tired. You’ll get tired of trying to fix everything, of trying to bring everything back to how they used to be. You’ll get tired of the pain and loneliness and you’ll realize that you should choose to be happy because you deserve to be happy. And by then, you should already be able to laugh about this. And by then, true healing begins.
One day you’ll see this letter again, and by then you’ll look back to what has happened this summer of 2012 and perhaps you’d be thankful for it. You’d thank him for breaking your heart, for it has made you become a better, wiser and stronger person. You’d be thankful because this experience made you realize a lot of things: that nothing in this world is permanent, that some things end in order to give way to a new beginning, that you have to love yourself first before you can expect to be loved in return, that even though you’ve been hurt, you should be brave enough to trust and love again and that no matter how much a person has wronged you, you must learn how to forgive. Someday you’ll just laugh about all these heartaches and yes, you’ll remember him, but the bitterness would no longer be there. All you’ll ever remember are the good memories and the precious life lessons this painful experience has taught you, and perhaps, just perhaps, by then you’d be ready to enter a new relationship, something that would last, and something that would make you realize why your past relationship didn’t work.
Smile. You are worth it.