A Letter to My Not-So Secret Admirer

(Photo Credit : Just-saying-my-mind.blogspot)
(Photo Credit : Just-saying-my-mind.blogspot)

Dear YOU,

I honestly am not sure who you really are, but your messages seem to be consistent with the current progression of the conditions of my heart regarding a certain person. So if my instinct is right, and my heart’s feeling is true, thank you. Thank you for finding a way to let me know how much you appreciate the things I do, and how much you really feel about me.

For a while, I was beginning to pity myself for giving too much in something that has no assurance whatsoever. But to know that it doesn’t get unnoticed is enough “thank you “ for me. It already made me feel special to think that I often come to your mind, and hopefully will stay in your heart. 

Believe me, I don’t expect you to repay the things I do for you. Seeing you smile, learn, and improve gives enough pleasure to my heart because I know it takes a lot of courage and guts from someone like you to accommodate these things.

I want to thank you for finding the courage to express everything you feel in the best way you can. Thank you for acknowledging some things you do that hurts me, and for knowing that my feelings for you don’t change despite it. I actually understand that you stand with your decisions not just to keep yourself from issues, but also to protect me, and everything that you have worked hard for. I know how difficult it is for you to face the whole world against your future and happiness. But I just want to remind you that you’re not facing it alone. I know you also find it hard to really figure me out because I know I am a very difficult person myself, but please excuse me for being so. I just don’t want you to think that you have to repay the things that I do for you, and I don’t want you to feel obliged to do so. Like I said, I just want to see you happy. I will never forget the most amazing eyes that twinkle, and that smile that brightly shines and makes my day when you’re happy, especially when it’s because of me.

If there is something that I want you to give me, it would simply be your friendship, and for you to keep me in your heart in the same way that I would keep you. I don’t want you to do anything for me. Instead, please promise me that in every way and everything that you do, follow your heart and what it tells you is right, and what would make you happy. Even if it hurts the people you love. Keep in mind that your happiness will never depend on the people around you. It would always be your choice. Only you yourself would know whatever it is that you really want, need, and love. Your destiny is where your heart takes you. So do what you know is right especially in the sight of God. He never told us that to love and be happy is a sin. In fact He encourages us to love and take care of all his creation. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes because even the most intelligent person does. It doesn’t make you less of the person you are. It actually teaches you lessons that no other person can teach you, and gives you strength and wisdom that you’ve never had. It makes you more of a better person. Mistakes are what let you know the difference between right and wrong.

So if the day would come when you feel that I have done my part in your life, and yours in mine. Don’t be afraid to tell me, because I would gladly let you. I don’t own you, and you don’t owe me anything. There are things in life that we would have to live without even if we don’t want to, just because. I wont regret anything that I have done and given you because it made me happy. You made me happy. Please don’t you worry about me? I was happy even before I met you, and I sure can make it if you decide to go. Although I would gladly love the idea of having you stay in my life for you added much more happiness in it despite the hurts. But I don’t have the right to hold your happiness for my sake. No one has the right to hold your happiness except you.

But if by chance you find the courage in your heart, or see the light in the darkness to ever feel that you want me in your life, and that I deserve to be there, wont you please, please? Please fight for this? Or at least try. If you feel in your heart that there is nothing wrong with this, please have the strength and bravery to face all obstacles and pain with me, beside me, because I would be willing to fight for this myself. I just need to know that we are in this together, and that I wont have to go through it alone. I have been hurt many times before you, and you know that. But I am not afraid to get hurt even more as long as I know that it’s worth it, that you’re worth it. I am not sure of what tomorrow would bring, or if this would last, but I know I wont mind because I faced it with someone who fought it with me until the very last drop. We may not end up together, but I know that it lasts, because I would forever keep you in my heart, and hopefully you’ll keep me in yours.

Just the thought of making you happy, giving you hope and strength, teaching you things you’ve never known, showing you how great life is, and being a part of your life gives me joy in knowing you. You can be sure you did the same thing for me too. You made me see how pure a person’s heart can be, how pure your heart is. You taught me that love does not necessarily mean being close physically; it means being connected emotionally, mentally, devotionally, and even spiritually. It means understanding each other even without words spoken. It’s withstanding despite misunderstandings, and indifferences. You made me see that love can be shown in so many different ways, and can be found even in the most unlikely person, place, time, or creature. You have made me feel that I am capable of giving love more than I have before, or more than I never thought I would. You made me see that love doesn’t always have to be returned. Love can be given freely and voluntarily without expecting anything in return, without being acknowledged, or without measuring what is returned. Its simply sacrificing because in a way, you are giving a part of your self to someone who may or may not give you back what you have given. You are giving that person the ability to hurt you, or allowing that person to either love you or hurt you whichever way you ask him not to. And most especially, its trusting that someone to keep and treasure a big part of you, and treat it as his own.

So, thank you!

I hope to see tomorrow with more love, with or without you.

I don’t want to have to promise you anything. Just that I love you, and I will keep you here in my heart no matter what happens tomorrow.

Always remember, your happiness is mine too. So go follow your heart, do what you know is right, and claim the happiness you find in yourself, and not from others.

 

Sincerely,

‘’CHINITA” (Chinese-eyed nurse from ER)

 

About Athena17

I'm a nurse, an animal rights advocate and a frustrated writer. Most of my articles are based on real life experiences.
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