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LIFE…Oh Life!

About amethyst larkspur

Thru my rods and cones, I clearly see d world as a paradise 2 spread the angel's act...enchanted with nature...fascinated with serving humanity...spellbound with astronomy, religion, philosophy and true 2 life " love" stories...I'm so crazy to make laughing as my hobby! But it doesn't mean my life is perfect; I just hate 2 fret ..."a single breath in each second of a day is enough reason to say...thanks God 4 such a precious life" ...spends LIFE serving GOD by LOVING PEOPLE...Human cells lifespan is 2 short, have fun! I only say I luv U f its real... cry over extremes ' super good or super bad'....meow....

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 SCENE 5—-( 7 years ago) I was asked by her mother to go with them in an ambulance. A 6-7 year old boy with temperature of 40 degree celcius..shivering, tachypneic, with delirium. He will be brought to a tertiary hospital 1 hour away from home. He was admitted for a few days, yet he passed away.

 SCENE 6—-( 3 years ago) Worst Christmas ever–receiving patient with ” do not resuscitate order”! I asked for a christmas gift not to see the heart rhytm turned to asystole, yet bad luck sets in…first time I did post mortem 2 a months old angel.

 SCENE 7—-( 1 year ago) She made a promisse to me a long time ago…. I just received a message that she’s already n0nresponsive. I decided to leave everything behind just to see her. When I see her , she opened her eyes and responded with uncomprehensible sound…then she close her eyes forever. After talking to her in the celphone when am not at her side, she passed away a few minutes later. I want to hold on, yet how could I when holding on means seeing her suffer. It was the first time I asked God ” if he will not heal her, just claim her than letting her suffer the agony” .  I did nothing…worst thing, yet I learned something , the ability to decide and let go, eventhough it’s killing me…I had been killed a million times.

SCENE 8—-( 2 years aago) Seeing one of the best guy I ever known bedridden forever.

Scene 9—-( 1 year ago) Having a fear that he will live in hallucinations and delusions.

SCENE 10—-( a few months ago) Even in a joke I will never ever let go of someone without giving them my best fight.

Letting go when they want me to.

After all of these scenes, do you think I am not that strong? It is impossible not to be immune to the numbness that some life’s moments could bring. I learned to have a poker face. My tear glands dried up without my knowledge. Whatever life has to bring, it does not matter if it’s painful, frightening or full of sorrow. There’s one thing that keeps me going—-the knowledge that wherever my love ones are, wherever those persons who had passed by will go…God will never forget to take care of them. And by these belief I learned to appreciate the beauty of life . The more painful my heart felt, the stronger I become and the closer I’m with Him. Everyday I saw His goodness on Earth– I’m falling deeply in love with him. He has such a big heart and He will never despise anyone without giving them chance to change. He is my life.I’m giving Him my heart, soul, everything I have because without him am nothing but a dust molded into human, to serve Him by caring and loving humanity.