Much love (Photo credit: wikipedia)

Much love (Photo credit: wikipedia)

Five years dude, five years.

Just add another year to that and it would be like we went to the same elementary school together. You know my deepest secrets. My hidden desires. You know things others don’t, simply because you were there to witness it all. You’re the best friend one could ever wish for. You’re the sibling I never had. You’re one of the reasons I’m still alive and kickin’ in this hell-hole of a life. You were my bro. My sis. My friend. You’re everything that I would ever wish for. I wish I didn’t have to do this, but I should. Sometimes, things are just so messed up that it’s beyond repair. And yes, I know, this is all my fault. And for that, I’m sorry.

Remember the day we first met? It was in highschool. Mom introduced me to you. And with the first sight, boom! Everything felt right: I was in love. In love with your smooth, yet warm feel. Your ever luminous gaze. Your every sound. Yes, indeed. I was in love.

You were with me through the good times. You were there when I won various contests that my aunts never knew of, or if they did, never told anybody as it may overshadow their children. The countless ball games we’ve won. Through the endless Sunday masses to the lazy Monday antics, you were there. You were basically there to witness every step and achievement I’ve had since the day we met. You were even there during my first kiss, if you know what I mean. You were always there. You never left. That’s why I’m really disappointed with myself, having to break you down and stuff. I’m sorry. Really

You were with me through the bad times. You’d play me songs whenever I’m sick. When I’m feeling down, you’re there to amuse me. Remember when I thought I failed the UPCAT? I was so depressed back then. I locked myself in my room. Only you had the way to make me feel alright, and somehow, happy. You knew how disappointing that was. You knew that all my cousins ( and siblings, too) studied in UPLB. You knew how humiliating it would be the next time I see them, knowing deep inside that I’m really the family black sheep. That they’d probably think that I can talk shit, beat people up, destroy stuff, and the only thing I can’t do is be the person they wanted me to be. Throughout my self pities and insecurities, you have accepted me. You were there throught the dark times of my life. You never left. Hell, you were even there during my street days. Rumble, brawls, fist fights, you were there. You kept me alive. You kept me close. You kept me tight. Yet, I had the guts to make mistakes that I knew would hurt you, which would eventually lead to me losing you. Hay nako. I’m really pissed right now. Friggin’ pissed with myself.  You were perfect, and I just had to screw up. I’m sorry. I really am.

I missed you today. It’s raining outside, and I cant go anywhere. It’s times like this that I miss you the most. We’d be under the sheets. You’d be holding my head, singing songs until I fall asleep. I’d wake up and you’re still there, holding my head, still singing songs about a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world, that while she looks so sad in photographs, someone absolutely loves her, when she smiles. I miss you. honey. I’m gonna miss your songs. That sound you make whenever you wake up from a long sleep. The gleam in the bright window of your soul. Your silky smooth skin. I’m gonna miss your everything. And though we aren’t together anymore, I just want you to know that I’ve loved you, with all the love I could ever give you, and that you’ll forever be engraved in the stone heart of mine. I’m really, really sorry for causing your untimely demise. If I can, I’d build a time machine and prevent doing the things that would eventually lead to this. I’m sorry. I really am. I hope you’d understand. I would never again, ever, look at anything else the way that I looked at you. I’ll miss you, honey. I surely will.

Rest in peace, darling.

Rest in peace, my beloved phone.