Broken, Beyond Repair
She wants to retreat to her secret hideaway. She doesn’t want anybody to notice her beauty.The twinkle in her eyes, her tender smile and the way she crinkles her nose She doesn’t want anyone to be fascinated with her. She doesn’t want to come over as sweet without really trying to.She doesn’t want to show her endearing qualities.
She doesn’t want anyone to fall in love with her. She doesn’t want to show any vulnerability, or reciprocate any feelings. She wants to shield herself from any hurts and pain. She doesn’t want to think or worry about anyone. She doesn’t want to be a curse or a blessing to anyone.
She’s just happy doing the things she loves the most. She’s giving herself quality time. She knows that she has to please herself before anything else. The people she leaned on before abandoned her. She’s had enough but she still enjoys doing things alone. No one will be affected if she breaks down and cry or if she gets angry for a certain reason. Life is still there for her, no matter what, even without any company.
She’s just grateful that she’s still living. She’s not sick or disabled. She still thinks she’s lucky. She wants to be alone, not really happy, but safe. Safe from heartbreak and separation.
She doesn’t want anyone to save her. She wants to be free and fade away naturally. Nobody missing her, or shedding a tear. She knows she’s broken, and she doesn’t want to drag anybody down.
She’s had enough of the vicious cycles in the relationship. Her heart is now numb. She wants it to be whole, until it stops beating. She wants to move on to the next life without much fanfare or thought, and fade away to oblivion.