I finally got a break from my hectic schedule. It has been a very stressful year for me so I took the opportunity to sit down and relax. As the title implies… my eyes landed on Facebook.

I thought I’ve already deleted everything that connects the past along with the people involved. But as I was scrolling around, I stumbled upon “my notes”. I expected my writing to be based on hate and revenge during those times… but not so much. Sure, I was probably intoxicated while writing them, but I can’t believe I wrote all that. I can’t help myself from laughing. See for yourself…

Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 5:29pm

“I never knew it was possible to be surrounded by so many people but still feel alone. It sucks that the one person I ever loved is the same person who hurt me the most.

Why be allowed to give so much if at the end its all for nothing? Why feel unimaginable happiness if in exchange you get a misery of sadness? How can you allow yourself to deal with so much pain despite of uncertainty? How can you fight for someone who was never really there? How can you continue to love someone who never proved your worth?

As the sayings goes… “love is blind”, “love makes you stupid” and so on…

But do we really know what love really is? Love is not just a word… you feel love and you live it. It’s just a shame when people take love for granted because it really is hard to find… as well as that person you’re supposed to be with. If only memories can fade as fast as you did. I keep asking myself… what if I never allowed myself to love you? Would my life be different if we never met? Would I still be as strong as I am now if I never felt all the pain you put me through?

Despite all the bs, I still don’t know what’s worst… you hurting me, or being without you? I don’t think I can ever stop loving you, but at the same time… I can’t allow you to keep hurting me because I know that wouldn’t make you happy. I love you too much, and like anything else… too much can be a bad thing. I don’t have to be with you to love you. All I want is for you to be happy… that’s my definition of love.”

(Hehe wow… ganun pala yun;p)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010 at 3:10am

“Ganun pala talaga yung totong love… kahit ilang beses mo subukan burahin, anjan parin kahit anung gawin mo. Kahit gaanu katagal lumipas, bumabalik balik parin sa isip mo kase kahit pilitin mong kalimutan… walang manyayari kung nasa puso mo parin. 

Ang lufet talaga minsan ng buhay… pag akala mong meju perfect na, hndi naman pala. Na sometimes naging perfect lang sa paningin mo kase mashado kang umasa at nagarap… na abala kana sa “conquer the world concept,” kaya hindi mona namalayan kung anu talaga yung toto. Na abala kana saka siguru na hindi mawawala sayo yung ka isang tao na sa tingin mo ay totoong nag papasaya sayo. Hndi mo naisip na madami pa palang tao sa paligid mo… na kailangan ka din, na pewedi din mag pasaya sayo.

Pero meron ba talagang pag mamahal na walang halong sakit… diba wala naman? Kung lahat ng tao my limit… then when do you know when to stop?

Alam mo na yung sagot jan… unang beses mo palang naramdaman yung sakit, alam mo na. Pero mashado mo lang minamaliit ang sarili mo kase feeling mo hindi mo kaya. Kung gaanu mo ka mahal yang minamahal mo… ganun rin katagal para ma untog ka at ma gising sa katangahan mo. Kailangan ka maging strong at some point kase kung hindi… yang pag mamahal mo mis mo ang unting unting papatay sa pagkatao mo.

 Anu ba kase mas mahalaga? Ang maangkin mo ang mahal mo, o maging masaya sya? Hindi na susukat ang pag mamahal sa higpit ng kapit… hindi porket ayaw mong pakawalan, sobrang mahal mo na. Kadalasan kumakapit lng kase hindi kontento sa sarili… feeling mo kailangan mo yung tao nyun para ma completo ka. Pero dapat you should be with that person “dahil mahal mo sya, at hindi dahil kailangan mo lang sya.” “Never depend on anyone else for happiness but yourself”… how can you truly love someone else, if not yourself first?”

(Haha wala ako masabi… Effort to the max na yang Tagalog writing ko ah ;p Konting letters lang siguro na miss ko).

 Monday, July 19, 2010 at 1:50am

“Too much love and so much pain can cancel each other out to the point that you no longer feel anything. You don’t know what to do with all the pain in your heart that you end up triggering it towards everyone around you. Letting go is easier said than done… but it’s the only way to get passed it. But the truth is, you are never really alone. God will always be there to give you strength, along with those who truly love and care for you. Stay strong and optimistic because everything has its end. Every frown and heartbreak is replaced with smiles & happiness… vice versa… but that’s life:-) All we can do is deal with it, and try to make the best of it.”

(Ayan medyo positive na din:)

 Saturday, May 7, 2011at 3:41am

“Every challenge… whether it includes pain, love, or happiness… are all lessons we learn in order to shape ourselves into the best person we can be. I gave up because it was the right thing to do. I love you simply because I just do, and not because I need you to complete me or be happy. I want to love you the right way, without hurting other people. I might of said it a million times but we both know I lied… I can never hate you.  Despite of all the bs, and how many times you’ve hurt me. Despite of how many times I cried for you… loving you can never be my weakness. Nobody can ever love you as much as I do… to simply love you with nothing in return, to wish you all the happiness in the world even if losing you kills me.”

 Just looking back… seeing flashbacks from my past. I am a completely different person then and now. I’ve managed to gain back my strength and confidence… I’m so proud of myself:) I survived the ruins, and I honestly believe that so can you! Lahat ng tao will experience their own downfall, maybe even more than ones. Different each time, pero dapat same results. Gather your remaining strength, keep your feet steady, and stand up again:) Life is precious so don’t waste it on regret. Cry your heart out till your eyes fall out, and when your done… smile:) Parang baliw lang, pero laughter really is the best medicine in the world. Be happy again… laugh your ass off each time you get. Give your brain and heart a rest, let them go on vacation for awhile… find yourself again. Cheers! because if you really try, then you will succeed:)

Don’t Forget to Smile (Photo credit: Johnrwallace)

I just submitted an article prior to this one, it seems like inspired siya ng mga na sulat ko noon… pero straight to the point. hehe.

For much more sense… check out my related article “LOVE can be a blessing or a curse… Your choice”.

http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/?p=112824&preview=true