Having thoughts (Photo credit: wikipedia)

Having thoughts (Photo credit: wikipedia)

Have you ever thought of finding a way to help others? Others who are desperately trying to help and save themselves from their suffering? Have you done something that could lead to something more meaningful; like creating a long-lasting effective livelihood program for those poor communities for example?

Well, words… words are just words, right? Promises are just promises that are often meant to be broken, preach without practice, seeing without caring, caring without acting… and as I write this, I felt as if I was slowly shrinking, bit by bit. I felt like I was the La Mesa dam, the Marikina river. I was overflowing and overwhelmed by my emotions.

I have written a lot of articles, essays, reflection papers in my life and of all the topics, I really loved talking about life, about politics, about poverty and about the problems we have in our society. I witnessed, I watched, I experienced, I wrote and  I talked. And that’s about it. I always did those things and yet, I have done nothing, nothing at all. I always wanted to inform people, to open their eyes and motivate them, that’s why I wanted to share all those things that I have witnessed and learned. That’s one of the main reasons why I write. But it seemed like I missed the most important thing; because… I forgot to motivate myself.   I would always tell myself that there would be a time when I would help the poor, when I would contribute something to this country. Perhaps, there would be a time, there would be, a time, there would be… and when would that be again? There would be reasons like, oh, I’m still just a student, oh, I still don’t have a job, so how am I supposed to do something for those who are in need when I can’t even provide a single thing for my family? We are not rich and what my parents earn is really just enough, accurately enough to supply the daily needs and wants of our family. There are reasons, reasons like these… that hinders me to do something. Or is it all really just an excuse for my lack of action and integrity?

What happened to my motto that is, kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw, may dahilan? The belief and the fact that if there’s a will, there’s a way? The belief that if I already had my own business, I would do everything to make it work and that there’s no room for failure and failure is not fate but an option that you choose when you give up? What happened to staying away from mediocrity?  From procrastination? It seemed like I’ve been a selfish mediocre all my life.

The sound of the TV, the voice of the newscasters was all over our condominium unit. All I could hear was news about the flooded areas, the weather forecast, the rescue missions, the evacuations, and the excited voices of my siblings, talking about how fun it is to have a long vacation from school.  Yipee!  Yehey! Classes are suspended in all levels, just right in time! Saved by the bell, saved from the 2 paper deadlines I have this week. And here I am, sitting pretty and I might have been blubbering about how fun it is to miss a whole week of classes and not caring one bit about the flood victims and all the unfortunate events that happened that didn’t concern me.  I don’t know just what hit me right now. Probably guilt? Probably my conscience. Maybe I just snap out of my “I-don’t-care-I’m-not-hearing-anything” routine after having to endure almost three days straight of being bombarded by the news about heavy rains and flooding. And mostly likely because my ninang kept on asking for my old clothes that she will donate to the flood victims. And just a little while ago, I was staring at my “old” Versace pants that I was never, ever, able to wear and I was struggling whether to let it go or not. And up until now, I’m still thinking about whether to just give it up or not. Then I would remember what my theology professor said about the value of giving; about giving the things that are most important to you, that are very valuable to you is the real art of giving. And I knew right there and then that he had a point.

And so right now, just right now, in another tab, I googled “Gawad kalinga foundation” then, “Gawad kalinga volunteer” then I went to their  website, clicked “Volunteer” then registered. I just remembered about Gawad Kalinga after having to attend to a required program at school last Monday that featured the Human Nature foundation and Gawad Kalinga. And honestly, during the whole program, my mind was somewhat elsewhere because I really had a lot of things to take care of like the permits, the search for suppliers, packaging, the logos, the papers, etc. and all the deadlines I have this week. And I was just really not in the mood to attend some encouraging talk; but I had to, so I did. And so the whole time, I was just thinking, go-ahead-and-be-done-with-it. And I didn’t see the value, the opportunity it had given to me, the chance of learning something more and doing something more in my life.

Doing justice to all these words that I have written here would just save me from creating a great, big farce that could further bring me into the depths of ruins and mediocrity and helplessness. And if I would fail to do anything at all, I don’t know how am I supposed to write anything anymore. I just realized that I am not just an overlooker, an audience, waiting to be entertained and for things to happen. Having more exposure and really engaging into these programs provided by these non-profiting organizations I think could be a way for me to experience more and to put more into what I write and share to others. And so probably, there would come a time that I would no longer be just an aspiring writer, an entrepreneur, a bystander, a person who just watches the television and wait for things to happen. So by starting now, starting this very minute, starting to do what I know I can with this goal in mind, probably, someday, I could be someone who could make things happen. And just a thought, maybe so can you?