Aloneness (Photo Credit: Beityeshua.org)

I really don’t know where to start kasi sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko ngayon nang muli kong maalala ang mga nakaraan.

Basta ang nasa isip ko ngayon is gusto kong ilabas ang nararamdaman ko para baka sakali ay mabasa niya ito at maintindihan niya ang lahat kung bakit ko siya iniwan.

True! Iniwan ko ang taong pinakamamahal ko, the person I love so much, the person who took care of me, who gave everything to me. If the world means everything…she gave me the world. You and our friends asked me a thousand times.. WHY? Why did we break up?…

Honestly, I don’t know.  What happened is one day, when I woke up..I felt so strange..I felt uncomfortable lying beside you, uncomfortable in our own room, I felt so strange in our own house. And I don’t know why, so sabi ko..I need time for myself, to know what is happening to me. Ang hirap magsolo lalo na kung nasanay ka nang kasama lagi ang mahal mo sa lahat ng bagay na ginagawa mo.

Pero I don’t know what I need to do, I don’t want to pretend that I’m still happy in our relationship, I don’t want to say “I LOVE YOU ” if I  don’t really mean it. So, I left you, and lived on my own, we separated ways…to make it short..we broke up.

I’m sorry, but I became too weak to fight for our love..Maybe you will ask kung bakit my ” Alay” na word s aking title…

This is what happened…

Last Holyweek 2012, I heard my sister and mother planning for something..They were planning to give some Alay to manggagamot para paghiwalayin yung kuya ko at girlfriend niya..When they were done talking, I asked my sister if it’s true…what she answered me was.. “yes, It’s true..look at you now..hiwalay na din kayo…you’re on the right track again..”

When I heard those things..nanlamig ako..Didn’t know what to say..didn’t know what to do… But what all I need is to cry…Feeling ko pinaglaruan nila ang puso ko. Nung sinabi ko to s bestfriend ko, hindi siya naniwala..kasi sabi niya, no matter how true it is… kung true daw yung love ko dun sa mahal ko…walang makakapaghihiwalay sa amin..kahit anong “alay” pa gawin nila.

Pero sabi ko sa kanya, bakit ako nanlamig nang bigla sa partner ko, everything was so perfect,dami naming plans, pero it vanished in just one morning. Now, ‘Di ko alam if kaya ko pa, pero sabi ko…ito ang gusto ng nakararami, so masaya na ako na nakikita ko ang mahal ko na masaya sa iba.   Atleast, alam ko may nag-aalaga sa kanya, may nagpapasaya, masaya na ako dahil masaya siya. I will just continue to love her in silence…..