A Letter To My Unofficial Lover
To My Unofficial Lover,
I don’t know my role in your life as of the moment. We have this relationship. But our status confuses me. We are like friends who are in love. Buddies enjoying each other’s company. Everything should be easy, without any expectations, but why do I feel uncertainty and insecurity? It’s really hard not knowing that I can fall for you deeply and yet that is not the contract I signed with you. If things get too serious, that’s when I lose you.
We swore to love each other without commitment. But I could no longer withstand our situation. Please tell me how do you see me and how do I really figure in your life? I could be anyone in your life, depending on how you see me, through your eyes.
A casual acquaintance, who will just smile and listen to whatever you have to say. A constant companion, who will be at your beck and call. A trustworthy friend, who knows all your fears and secrets. A protective sister, who will fight your battles for you. A caring mother, who will always love you unconditionally. A forbidden love, who will awaken your passion and make you live in borrowed time. Your true love, your soulmate, and your whole life. I hope I could be the last one if there’s a chance.
In whatever way you see me, I hope you could see me for the person that I really am. Look through my soul, and discover my true identity. And not as the person you imagined me to be.
Like what the song says.”You’ve got to love me for what I am for simply being me. Don’t love me for what you intend, or hope that I will be. And if you’re only using me to feed your fantasy, you’re really not in love, so let me go, I must be free.”
Everything is not always about you. I have feelings and needs too. I’m afraid that when I have fallen deeply for you, that’s when I would be left out in the cold.
I love you but I hate this feeling of insecurity, not knowing if we have a future together. I don’t want my heart to be broken, and feel the pain of losing you, but I know that I should also love myself for my own good.
This might be goodbye, but it’s worth the risk. Please answer me soon.