Ang Pagsisisi ay Nasa Huli
O ayan, nagpasukan diyan sa Pilipinas. For sure, super excited ang mga nag-grade one at mga nag-first year diyan. Nakakamiss ang feeling na ‘yan. Naalala ko yung mga panahon na inaamoy amoy ko pa ang bago kong strawberry eraser dahil hindi ako makatulog sa sobrang excitement kong pumasok. Sa opinyon ko e mas masarap mag-aral talaga sa Pilipinas kaysa dito sa Canada.
Mula nang lumipat kami dito e nawala na ang interes ko sa pag-aaral. Ang hirap makisakay sa lifestyle dito…o baka ako lang ang nahihirapan kasi bagong salta ako
Anyway, iseshare ko lang ang experience ko sa unang taon ko sa unibersidad dito sa Canada. Naipost ko na to sa wordpress account ko. Copy-paste ko na lang ha?
“Mom! Dad! Look at my report card! I got the highest marks in all my classes! I’m first honor!” I remember saying this to my parents when I was in elementary.
I just finished my first year in University and all my marks are posted online. I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw how horrible my marks are. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I failed my elective course, and almost all of my marks are C’s. I couldn’t move. What’s gonna happen to me now that I lost all my scholarships? I don’t have secured co-op placement for next year, and I’m not even sure if I’m still in the program. What the fuck! I keep on refreshing the page hoping that my marks would all change.
I used to be very excited about report cards. Even in high school, I always brag about my marks to my parents, even to my siblings, because I always make it to top five. Now, I don’t want anyone to see my marks anymore. I don’t even want to see it myself. I used to get all A’s in all my classes. Never in the past have I gotten a B on my report card. It’s a shame that I have all these horrible marks. I don’t know how to tell my parents or should I even tell them? Everyone’s gonna be disappointed on me.
What happened, really? Eight months suddenly felt like one month to me. Everything just happened so fast! I’m just realizing everything that I’ve done this past eight months and I regret every single thing. I would go back in time, if I could, and change everything! I swear! I’m not blaming anyone but myself. I’ve been stupid and reckless.
Okay. Enough with all that crap. I know that no one gives a damn about me and my stupid marks, but I just want to share my experience to anyone going to University this fall. I know it’s way too early but…listen to me.
I came to University determined to finish the school year with high marks. I was so confident and I was so sure that everything will be easy because I thought I was smart. I underestimated all my classes and procrastinated big time! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a party animal like my friends.
Believe me, I think I only went to a party once and that’s when I started failing. I drank too much that I didn’t even remember anything about that night. The following morning, one guy with a black eye approached me and told me that I went to his room and punched him. (It was funny to me and I still find it funny until now because, I’m not sure why, but I hated that guy).
Anyway, that was the first time I got drunk. After that, I still drank but only with few people (it’s not a party, trust me). My point is, after I started drinking, I always look for alcohol. My body was looking for it. But I knew it was bad so I distracted myself. I never went out of my room unless I go to class and go to cafeteria to eat and I stay in bed the whole day, watching TV shows for at least a month, I think. Yes, I wasted that much time.
I got tired of that set up, and next thing I knew, I’m in my friend’s bathroom smoking weed. I really liked it and did it a couple of more times. I got addicted to it and it’s all I think about. And just like what I did with my “alcohol addiction”, I distracted myself with TV shows again, just so I don’t smoke.
I couldn’t study because as I’ve said, that’s all I think about. I could have involved myself in school activities, but I was scared to go outside because…because I don’t know. Why was I scared? See? I lost control of myself. I confined myself into my room. I even stopped going to class. I neglected my studies. I became the “hermit” that I said I will never be. It is horrible, now that I think about it. I can’t believe I actually did those things. IT WAS STUPID!
It was stupid, really. Now, my future has been compromised because of that.
You get independence when you go to University especially when you live in residence. Your parents won’t be around to tell you what and what not to do. You’ll be responsible for all your actions, so think before you act. Discipline yourself. Don’t do something that you will regret in the end.
Going to University is such a great opportunity. Don’t let alcohol and drugs ruin it for you.
Pasensya na napahaba yata masyado. Nagets n’yo sana ang gusto kong ipaabot. Abot langit ang pagsisisi ko sa mga nangyari, pero wala na kong magagawa. Nangyari na e. Sana lang e wala nang tumulad sakin. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi.