I remember the first time I saw you when you were introduced to me.

Suddenly, it feels awkward looking at you so I just smile and turn my head away. Every time I talked to you, you seem like not interested on what I’m saying although we both know that what I’m saying are very essential, so for that reason I can’t like you. I find you so “annoying” because you always commit mistake, you can’t remember everything we taught you even though we told you that a hundred times.

We always squabble because you can’t do your job well. You’re so annoying and I don’t really like you. You are highly sensitive like women and you can’t handle conflicts so well, you don’t do your job seriously and always make fun of everything. It’s very disappointing knowing that you can’t act exactly your age. I can’t even understand why you have a lot of friends who likes you so much.

But above those negative attitudes I observed from you, I also noticed a lot of more good things about you. I saw how beautiful you are in and out. Despite those annoying attitudes, you’ve shown us how gentleman you are and how great you are as a friend and a colleague. We like your way of making the day enjoyable and making us feel better by making yourself funny. At first I don’t enjoy your annoying thing but one day I found myself laughing and smiling because of your silly jokes, insanity and foolishness, I also found myself talking about you all the time.

 I remember the time when you accidentally stepped on my feet from the back and you held both my arms tight and pulled me closer to you while saying “sorry”. Instead of feeling hurt, I felt something I can’t explain. There was also one time when I’m not really in the mood ‘cause it seemed like you’re very close with one of our companion and it made me feel something infuriating, I don’t understand myself for that, so when you’re talking to me I just nod and turn away immediately or just answer you briefly that I seemed so cold, despite my peevishness you still continue to tease me and make me feel better, you even had the guts to tell me “don’t feel sad, ‘cause if your sad, I’m sad too.”

I crinkled my forehead and wondered what does that mean, but all of a sudden it made me start to feel better. Before leaving the place, you greeted me warmly and bid me farewell.  The next day, you have the same energy. You are very different since that past day. You run your hand over my hair and complimented my hairstyle. You asked me a favor or actually asked someone to ask my permission for you to go early, I told you I hate you for planning to leave me alone and you answered 3 words I was really surprised you’d said.

I again wondered why you said that but I took it as a joke or just a sycophancy thing. But one day, we attended a party, others have gone first including you then we who are left behind followed when we’re done with our job. When we got there, someone told me about what you said while we’re not yet around, that somehow made me understand why you’re showing such strange things for the past days.

There was also one day when you endorsed me a heart sticker you’ve gotten from, I think,  a chocolate box or some candy wrappers, leaving me thinking “what was that?!?!”, on that night you came again because you accompany someone and then you made chitchat with me. You’re uttering words strangely again but I just kept on ignoring all those things. Yes it’s weird or should I say you’re really weird but I enjoyed every weirdness you’ve shown me. And take note, I remember all those.

 I remember I had a terrible experience when I first fell in love. It was really traumatic. I was weak and don’t know where I’m heading, then you came. You are the reason I forgot and get over such things. You made me remember how it feels strange for the 2nd time. I didn’t expect it would happen but it did. I denied the feeling but it keeps on growing and growing.

I strived to disregard you but it’s so damn hard, every time you start to talk and make us laugh you always succeed. I usually ignore you and make you believe I don’t care at all, but I always hate myself for doing that. I don’t know exactly what to do and what to believe in. Suddenly, I realize that I’m very willing to do whatever it takes by any means necessary for you and to be with you. But I ended up doing NOTHING.

 I remember the day you left, and the feeling of being devastated, but I acted like it’s totally nothing. Maybe I don’t know exactly where you are now, what are you doing and to whom you’re spending time with. But, I want you to be okay, just merely knowing that makes me feel fine.  I hope you’re spending your time sensibly. Doing what you want and going where you want to go. I hope you’re always fine and you’ll make decisions this time that will truly benefit you.

Though you’re planning differently now, altering you to another direction, Please don’t forget us, and when you remember those days we are all together, I hope all that remains in your memory are the ones that made us all enjoy the company of one another. One thing I’ll assure you, you will never be forgotten. Your mischievous smile, your somewhat weird hair, your sense of humor, your perverse mind, your occasional annoying conversations, those funny random noises you make, the burning touch of your fingertips on my skin, how you know most of the things on my mind, I will never forget all of those and how you made me feel, and especially you. I know you’re not the cutest guy in the world, but still there’s something about you that makes people’s heart drop to their feet.

 The past is through and I know no matter how hard I wish I could turn back time I can’t. But if I can, I would make you feel special and make everything different. I will make sure things will go remarkably or somehow perfectly. You are everything I never knew I was looking for.

 Maybe this is my own way of telling you how much you made me feel.

I hid all these for a length of time and made me feel better now that I somehow brought it out whether it reaches you or not.

I remember you and I’ll always will…

author:  iah

p.e./mj

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