- That Pain - July 26, 2015
- Bakit Hindi Naging Tayo - May 30, 2015
- Realize this Pain - May 22, 2015
- Say something, I’m giving up on you - December 27, 2014
- Nabuksang Liham - October 29, 2014
- Just Hold On - October 1, 2014
- Freedom, My Wedding Gift - May 8, 2014
- Starting All Over Again - April 26, 2014
- Remembering Tito - August 4, 2013
- The Cash Flow Statement (Story of Friendship) - June 17, 2012
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So I kept on asking, not knowing that I was asking the same question in different ways. Then she got irritated (I guess) and started saying, “we’ve explained this hundred times; still you can not understand.. .”and then she laughed…out loud. I felt so small that time. I felt that everyone surrounding us were looking directly at me. Judging me. So I put my head down, stopped asking and kept quiet.
The following hours and days, I did not talk to her. I could not forget how she said the words and how she laughed and most of all how she made me feel so small. A week passed by, but she never noticed I was not talking to her. She didn’t even noticed maybe, that I got hurt. And that made it more painful. She didn’t care at all.
After about two weeks, I broke the unnoticed silence between us. I wrote my first college letter to her. I told her how she embarrassed me in front of all those people and how she hurt me more when she kept ignoring what happened. I wrote there that of all people, I never thought she would do that to me and I don’t know if she’s insensitive or what but she didn’t seem to care at all if she hurt someone.
I didn’t give it directly to her. I put it somewhere between the pages of her book. I don’t know when got to read it. But after that day, still she didn’t say anything to me. I was expecting her to approach me. I was expecting she would ask me about the letter, but it didn’t happen and that made it more painful.
I asked our common friends if she said anything to them about my letter. One said yes and that she didn’t know she hurt me. So I asked them, why she didn’t talk to me. They say, she felt bad because she didn’t intend to embarrass me that time. But she did. She was really sorry after reading my letter, saying, “She’s the least person that I will insult.” That never in her mind did she plan to hurt or humiliate me. And she didn’t know what to say to me that time; that’s why she kept quiet.
I don’t know what made me decide to go to her and settle the issue. After hearing the stories of my other friends, I just talked to her. Actually we never talked about what happened. We discussed about something else. We never noticed that we were laughing then. And after that, we were really very close. She shared her life stories with me and I started opening up to her.
One day when she showed me all the letters she received from her high school lovers, I saw my letter. She told me those are her precious memories of good relationships. I asked her if I can keep the letter that I gave her. She immediately took it from me, saying, “No! You gave this one to me. This is mine and from all those letters, this is the most priceless letter. This is the only letter that reminds me of my mistakes, this is the only letter that made me realized I was “taklesa” and you’re the only one who had the guts to tell me I was wrong. I may have all of those friendly people around me, but no one from their group has ever made me feel this way, that they really care.
They just accepted what I was doing, what I was saying, I don’t know if they were just patient with me but then again I’m only human, I commit mistakes, but none of them took a moment to tell it to me..you’re the only one who stood up and corrected me. This letter will remind me of all those good things and with those, made this one priceless.”
It was a decade ago, but still I can remember how she said the words and laughed out loud. There was this quote I read; People will forget what you say, People will forget what you did but they will never forget how you made them feel.
Yes, she may think I remember her because of the pain I felt, but now as I read this; The Cash Flow Statement, I am smiling and remembering the best friend I’ve had. I will remember her not from what she have done to me but of what we have had after that. How each one of us grow with the friendship. How we supported each other. How we passed though all those difficulties and life’s challenges, together.
It all started with a little pain, a bit of silence and everything that followed were priceless. It is true that nothing will grow if it won’t rain.
author: ava bila onante