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- A MESSAGE TO PHILIA - June 27, 2012
“Several years ago, when kings rule and a war is always the key to power.”
“In the battlefield men are never safe. They feel tired and hungry. They fight until everything is over. They fight with their swords and use their shields to prolong their life.”
“Still, I wonder why war has to be bloody?”
“Why is violence always the answer?”
“Three years ago I met a warlock. He showed me the ways of life, and taught me everything about the evils of the world. We were together for only a short while. We got separated eventually but I shall never forget his last words. The answer that I was searching for all the time.
“In order to achieve world peace we must fight a WAR.”
“His words inspired me to be the best that I can be. 19 years of existence and I proved to my enemies that I am feared in the battlefield.”
“My name is Faris. I am a master swordsman. I am the youngest among my fellow warriors. Still I don’t understand the meaning of my existence. To fight a war? again and again?”
“I am blessed with so many talents. My skills are Godlike. I am an intelligent being, but now I do not want any of this.”
“ENOUGH! I want a meaningful life. I do not want any of this violence and hatred!”
“Three years ago I went to the lake near the town of Phidalia. In that moment I was with Philia. She was a huntress whom I have met almost a year ago. I told her my story. A story about me and my experiences in life.”
“Men go to war to fight not only for their king. They fight so their family can have a better life. Their supreme ruler is not their only concern in a battle.”
“Warriors risk their lives for their family. Kings order men to go to war but others volunteer.”
“Do you understand?”
“Not everybody knows this. Whether in a battle or in the angry heat of life.. Love is still present.”
“That is why men go to war. Fighting for their country and at the same time giving their concerns a better life.”
“Freedom, a better country, a better way of living, but for what? In exchange for their lives?”
“These people are risk takers. They created meaning in their lives and eventually touched others. Some men fell and will be forever be remembered, while some survived and lived a better life.”
This is what I have been trying to tell Philia.
I feel something for her. That something is so beautiful that I want to make it grow. In that moment by the lake was the perfect time to tell her.
“Is it so soon?” We’ve been together for quite a long time already.
“When will I tell her?”
“When it is too late?”
“When she finds someone else and that would not be me?”
“I just can’t be there. I am sorry. I know you feel something for me but I just cannot love you in return.” Philia said.
After saying these words she left.
She left me alone and hurt.
I was so sad that I choose to die rather than to live!
“Wait! if I die today I will be suffering eternally.”
Why? Is it because im going to take this life away?
Shall I suffer in Lucifer’s kingdom because of suicide?
“I do not want to suffer anymore. I see people suffer and I know what it feels like.”
“I am not going to kill myself”
“I do not choose to suffer.”
“I am not afraid to go to hell.”
“If I die today I am afraid that I cannot see her anymore.”
“I will suffer more… and more.. until I become insane.”
“If I die I will not suffer about getting punishments from below.”
“I don’t give a damn about it.”
“I am going to suffer because there will be NO HOPE in winning Philia’s heart anymore.”
“I am going to live my life and I will devote myself to fight a WAR to win that PRIZE.”
“When I had Philia I was happy. I was always full of energy and I remained cheerful to everyone. Now I am feeling so sad and alone because that one person left me.”
“I will be rude and be disrespectful to everyone. I will be insensitive and I won’t give a damn about anything. All of this because I was left alone… hurting.”
“Wait! I never had Philia. I never had her as a lover. I have Philia as a friend only, but still I made her happy… and those around me happy. I fought a war in the past and I am going to fight again, for my ONLY CONCERN.”
I wrote Philia a letter.
A letter containing my thoughts and emotions.
“I will read it again… and let my tears fall into it as I read.”
“Each and every one of us have our own war living inside us. Can we have another world? A world where we fight with our hearts instead of our swords? You accepted me for who I am and for what I have become, a sad and a very angry boy. Forgive me for being weak and for my arrogance. Forgive me for I am always upset simply because I find no meaning in my existence.”
“I felt something for you in the past. I do not know if it is love but whatever it is.. I want to make it stronger. Believe me its true and now it beckons me. I feel like I need to get back to you somehow. Maybe we are destined for each other.”
“No one has the power to predict the end of time, to predict what the future holds. I don’t believe in fortune tellers for they are baseless. They believe what they see in their visions.
I believe in chances… I believe in you and I know we will be together.”
“Again I shall fight a war. Fighting to capture your heart. In this war no blood shall be shed.
I shall thrust my sword onto the ground, for I have no need for its great power anymore. My love for you serves as my guiding light… my source of strength… Its power is so great that I can tread any path and obstacles that will hinder me.”
“I want you to know that everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life”
“I love you Philia and I will always be yours. Let me fight this war… and let us see what the future holds.”
author: wong nikko