Somewhere in between (Photo credit: christianpost)

Somewhere in between (Photo credit: christianpost)

For a starter, I decided to write about something that makes me different or sets me apart from other girls or other people. After reading this, I won’t mind your judgment. You are entitled to your own opinion. It is up to you on how you deal with whatever will be the impact of this writing to your mentality, feelings, and beliefs. You can comment or debate with me or you can add up to the information. It is up to you. This is a free country, so I am free to express my thoughts, and so are you. Here it is…

For the past 28 months, I have loved and been with my partner and since then, I have been always bombarded with people questioning about my decision, my preference, and my sexuality. You see, being a butch lesbian’s girlfriend is not easy. It feels like the world’s attention is on us, watching our every move. However we try to be a normal couple, we can’t avoid people to look at us every time we’re on a public place such as in public utility vehicles, malls, church, market, and others. We may feel bad, but we completely understand them. Our relationship is of no ordinary to people, especially to those who are not exposed to the reality that relationships like these exist. The church condemns us, and that is a sad thing. We learned to accept that the society may tolerate us, but it cannot accept us.

My friends and the people around me think that I am a lesbian, for I am in love and involved with a lesbian. Studies show that when a girl is in a relationship with another girl, they are automatically classified as lesbians. These were the things brought up to me by these people. And I was really down, even more during the first few months of our relationship. Why wouldn’t I? I was not used to negative comments of people; I was not immune to their insults and judgments. I accepted what they were imposing on me. I thought and decided that I am a lesbian, just so my perception about myself and people’s thoughts about my sexuality would match. But just after a few days, and of few researches, my mind and heart objected of the thought that I am a lesbian. Some also said that maybe, I am just a bisexual. One of my friends who is a self-confessed lesbian said that it is myself, and not other people, who knows best of what really I am. Thus, if I think and feel that I am a lesbian, then I am a lesbian. In contrast, a bisexual friend of mine told and advised me that because I fell in love with a lesbian, I am automatically categorized as a lesbian. She also said that I should learn to accept it.

How can I accept it if my mind and heart refuse to do so? My own assessment tells me that I am not a lesbian because apart from my partner, all the people who I get attracted to are boys. Moreover, I am not also a bisexual because bisexuals get attracted to straight girls, and obviously, my partner is not a straight.

After giving out an enormous effort to researching, I found out that what I think and feel is right. I am not a lesbian because my partner is a transgender. So what am I talking about? What the heck are transgenders and what are their difference from lesbians and bisexuals?

Lesbians and bisexuals as labels merely point out to the sexual orientation of the person whereas transgenders identify his/her gender identity. Transgender can be used interchangeably with transsexuals to call people who want to identify themselves opposite their biological sex. However, transsexual is often used to label people who have already undergone hormone replacement therapy or gender reassignment surgery.

Majority of transgenders, if not all, have already concluded that they were born in a wrong body ever since they were able to think and analyze. So being a transgender concerns the whole being of a person, his/her identity.

My partner’s a transgender, and that’s what made me think that I am not a lesbian or a bisexual as opposed to what other people think and say I am. My partner identifies himself as a man, and I see and treat him as a man, end of story.

Maybe I sounded so defensive with this post. Forgive me,  I was just so tired of people questioning about and dictating my sexuality. Yes I know that I should not let other people’s words get into my head, but I just can’t help it. I am always bothered.

I am sure that I have not discussed the distinction very clearly, so you are very free to comment or challenge what I have written. What do you think? This is just a start so expect other posts about issues like this in this blog. I cannot cram them all into just one article.

Thank you for reading my first entry! I hope that you learned something new. Remember that in this world, people are very diverse, and so their gender identity.

Lovelovelove,

Lexy :*

author: alexafajardo

p.e./kf