Giving Up On Love
A few years back, a friend of mine was in pain after breaking up with her boyfriend of three years (or was it two?). She was a picture of a devastated girl who never wanted to fall in love again. As if she never felt how good it was to be in love.
I would talk to her and remind her that the pain she’s feeling is something temporary; something that would fade away in time. And soon, someone will be willing to love her again, more than how she previously felt.
While I’m at it, I honestly didn’t understand her. I find it funny that she even considered not falling in love again. I believed that how many times I stumble and get hurt; I would never ever give up on love.
But then again, as what they say, “You’ll never understand how it feels until you experience them first hand”. When I broke up with my partner of three years (almost four), I didn’t know where to pick up my broken pieces. And the most painful part is that I try so hard to pretend that I am whole while I know for a fact that I have “cracks” all over. That’s when I realized that you will come to a point that you just want to give up on love, that you would start to believe that none of them would last. And yes, even though you saw proof that there is love to endure all pains and hardships, you started doubting if they are real. I started believing that romantic love is nothing but sweet lies and broken promises. And yes, you started to forget how great it feels to be in love.
I honestly started to tell myself that I will grow old and die as an old maid. I told everyone that I was okay, because that’s what they expect me to be. But every single night, I still pray that my broken heart would mend and that I will be able to believe in love again. It was never easy.
That’s when my friend comes in and reminded me of the things that I told her when she was the one in my position. She reminded me that this won’t be easy and that there will be no “quick-fix”. But in time, everything will be better and that someone will be willing to endure all the pain of hugging me again; even though it means hurting himself because of the cracks I already have. I might not have trusted love again the way I did before, but I was reminded that in due time, everything will be better and there is something really worth loving and looking forward to no matter how hard it had been. No matter how many promises have been broken, no matter how many dreams have been shattered, no matter how many tears have fallen… everything will still be okay.