Kumusta ka, bunso!

You’ve been trying to reach out and chat with me this afternoon… Ngayon ko lang nabasa offline messages mo and I can’t help but worry about you, seeing Bunso  (Photo Credit:  Iceburn)you’ve sent more than 20 offline messages for an hour today.

That’s rather unusual and it makes me worried now. Can’t help but worry now about the desperation you’ve felt when all of them were unanswered.

I’m really so sorry anak… I’ve been out the whole afternoon for a client meeting. I hope you are fine and having a peaceful sleep right now… still, I really can’t help but feel so sorry for all this distance I have to be in.

If only I could be right there with you each time you call… each time you need a father’s hand… If only I could give you the best of both worlds – the comfort and warmth of my nearness, and the comforts of a good life – of course, I would give both, and more… But I have to spend my days, (and maybe a few more years) away from you all.

I know you’re still at your tender age to understand all the reasons for all this distance, yet I know you’re old enough to feel the occasional pains of my absence… I felt that same way, so many years ago – the need to reach out, and talk with Daddy who was often not there….

Now I fully understand –
the need to be away,
and the aching need to hold your hand
each time you need me.

I can still remember that day when I told you about my decision to go away – to work in another part of the world, so I can give you all a better life; a kind of life that twenty years of hard work there was not able to give…

At times I doubted if I’ve made the right decision for us all, as every day I pray to God to help me understand that love is always more important than money and everything else in the world… Still, please know that I will always be here for you… despite my distance.

I still hold a vivid picture of you in my mind, and in my heart – those few days before I left… the young child, so fragile, so tender.. and so innocent of what lies ahead. Yet I can’t help but cry, as I cry for you now, as I recall how you’ve been sick during those few days before I left. I know your ailment then was nothing purely physical… it was more than that… something deeper, yet something you didn’t understand right then.

When I saw you at the airport seventeen months later, when I returned, something deep inside me cried and longed to cradle you in my arms. I’ve been away for too long,.. and my fragile, sweet young baby girl is now a fine young teen, tall.. and growing…

Soon, you’ll be a fine full lady…
and soon I won’t be able to cradle you
nor even hold your small, gentle hands,
nor hug you…
as by then it would be awkward to do so…
and I really don’t want to miss the years in between…
I want to see you grow…
I want to see all your carefree laughter,
and all the joys of your youngster years,
and be around when you softly call my name…

If only I could be there right next beside you now….
If only I could give you all
the best of both worlds, and everything in between…
for you to understand how much
a father needs to be a father….

Then I’d let you all know
that I understand
how much a child needs to be a child…

If only I could give you all
the best of both worlds…
of course I would…
and even more…

author:  bluespire

p.e./mj