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Agony of A Married Life

About MARICEL

i love to blogs though i am not a professional writer. My minds goes anywhere, it is just a fruit of my imagination. This fruit may instilled in your mind and learn from it. I hate people who judged me. i am here to share the talents i have. Just give your opinions but not against the writer...

I can still remember when I was still young at the age of 21, I entertained countless admirers, hanged out with my friends and bought any thing I want. All these things changed when I got married to a man who is strict yet responsible, loving and really accommodates my needs and wants. We hang out together with our common friends also, we went to any places and when he reached home from work, there is this “excitement” when we see each other. Our love seems like a burst of fire. I even tell others that they are wrong in their opinion that it is hard if you will get married because you cannot do any thing you like.

Things went smoothly within 2 years of living together. I can’t hardly recall if we had misunderstanding because there are really more happy times than sad times. I cannot ask anything from him.

Suddenly, when I gave birth to our first baby, I asked myself for the first time “Am I blessed with this man or not?” Yes, he did not change in terms of being responsible especially when it comes to financial matter but when it comes for his time for us, I am quietly sad about it. Every time he is at home, his friends are excited also to talk to him and ask him to hang out.

Whew! So there he is… asking permission from me. Regardless if I say yes or no, it won’t really matter to him as long as he told me where he was going. So as his wife, I was left alone taking care of my kid.

 The same agony occurred even we had 2 kids already. I guess I was not a good wife for him since it became worst. He would now go home drunk and leave very early for the next day.

 Now I could say, it is just a start of a real married life accompanied with sweet and bitter experiences. I cannot turn the clock back and choose somebody else instead. With PRAYER and constant communication, I know I can stand the fate I have chosen.

Photo credit: pendoreilleco.org

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  • rexroth

    Hi..everyone….i drop by to say…Salamat sa mga blog nyo it was helpful and fun…like she said: wives has the right to nag..its normal and it shows who is dominant…:)).. just kidding…just make sure..walang nakakarinig lalo na mga inlaws..Baka sabihin Tigas si Mister…alam na natin ang mga tigasa- ing 🙂 at hugas mg Kung [email protected] :)…silent support for our wife..means just stay quite when they talk….just say yes…and yes…is always the right word in the family…goodluck to all..stay open to criticism and don’t hate no one..I learned my lesson sometimes.

    • MARICEL

      hi rexroth– yeah me too i cant believe that many people give comments, this is what i after… i am sometimes a nagger but i made sure i will not dominate him. he is still the head of our family.. any final decision after hearing both sides comes from him…and it should be respected. 🙂

  • sana po magtagalog na lang po ang writer ng article na ito at ang mga nag post ng mga comments.

  • roland

    ..nothing to be alarmed of..u said he did not change from being responsible!

    • MARICEL

      FOR ME, it is already alarming to any couples.. being responsible in the means of giving financial support or anyways but the “TIME” is what women can asked from their husband.

  • Rogermer

    This seems to be a common problem among couples who start to drift apart as soon as a baby is born into the family. The likely reaons are (1) the wife starts to focus solely on the kid and unknowingly pays little and little attention sa kanyang mister. (2) wallowing on pains of giving birth causes unnecessary guilty feelings sa husnband. Both take a toll on what you called FIRE or passion and (3) you two might not be exerting effort anymore to have time for yourselves. As often as money and time could allow, GO ON A DATE, JUST the TWO of you, WITHOUT the KIDS.

    • MARICEL

      hmmm..we made sure we have time for our kids or for both of us…so the reasons mentioned above are far from reality in us. But i wished we had a date, we never had a date”OUTSIDE THE HOUSE” just by the two of us..since he will just be with us for just “OVERNIGHT” tapos balik na naman sa work nya..maybe that’s applicable if anjan always ang presence ng couple everyday, tapos nabibigyan muna ng pansin ang mga bata then next is for ourselves.

      • Jen

        talk is important. mag usap kayo. or maybe you might be spending a lot of time being a mom and forgetting to be a wife.. think about it….

        • RogerMer

          exactly my point!

      • RogerMer

        the dates doesn’t have to happen everyday. go out at least one weekend of the month. that would be enough for you to catch up on each other.

        i tell you, real married life is not always as exciting as an episode on ‘Desperate Housewives’ Many marriages fail because one of the couples or both want too much DRAMA in their lives.

        Count your blessings!

        • MARICEL

          thanks sir, yeah you’re right. but this drama can make relationship sweeter and stronger IF ONLY both sides are open minded and will have constant communication.:)

  • rexroth

    Yes…its true and thanks for the honest comments to everyone…marital problems have to be solved privately di BA? Or talking to our close friends..but sometimes it will make worst…sometimes an open question thru here..I think its a wise way..you can read how diverse the answers…and some are good…anything in moderation ..one is drinking…and some times it hits home…and not only to husbands…it can be manage like smoking and its between husband and wife to solved and support both side how to solve it.thanks for the blog…

  • lee

    Don’t feel sorry for yourself, now you feel alone and lonely Everytime your husband hang out with his friends but soon your lovely kids will grow up and they’ll be your company whenever your husband isn’t around. It’s amazing you have writing skills, make this your habit. In your idle time go to the park with your kids or visit your parents or inlaws…don’t focus much to your problems. It’s great there’s a published posts about marriages so youngsters will be informed and aware, I admire also those brave people who are posting articles about men and women characteristics that are ideal for marriage. It’s because most people thought that marriages are easy just like walk in the park, most men these days are confuse and doesn’t have a fix priorities in life. They might want this thing today but not for long, they’ll looking for something else…it applies to women too so it’s not a gender issue.

    • MARICEL

      thanks a lot for your comment ma’am. i appreciated it so much. you have seen the goal of this article. I wished married couple who has this kind of prob can read your suggestion and also for those who planned to get married. Just want to add on also, in my own family we have family date every sunday after attending mass. since the two of us are working, we made sure at night we have time to play with our kids. God bless us all. 🙂

  • galo

    7 years itch in marriage, still a long way to go, hang on, u need all the support u can get. God Bless!!!

  • goya

    there is something wrong with that scenario. you can still do something about it. 😀 Relationship is about two people both doing their moves to make the relationship work. With what was said, there’s something really wrong.
    Goodluck! hope everything turns out right.

  • Hi Maricel. Why don’t you try to hire a nanny so that both of you can still hang out together? My husband told me that i have to take care of myself even if we have a baby already and that is what i’m doing. We’re married for almost 7 yrs already and and we have 2 yr old son. We still enjoy our time together. I always do what he wants and i am doing what he wants too, it’s just a give and take relationship. Even if my husband is tired from work still he’s giving time for me and my son.

    • MARICEL

      nice suggestion ma’am to hire a nanny . but what about those who can’t afford to have nanny ?
      Same with our family, once a week we went out as a whole and we used to it already. Even we have nanny for our kids and whenever either the 2 of us is at home (since we are working) we are hands on to our kids. hope other family will do the same as ours.:)god bless

      • hire a part timer or ask one of your relatives to look for your kids while u and your husband will have a date. Give time for yourself and yor husband only.

  • Sad but true 🙁

  • Sheryl N.

    I hope all the comments will open your eyes.

  • rainelda

    I can perceive that there is really something wrong with the relationship… going home always drunk and very late is not a responsible thing to do from a husband with a family… Read between the lines… there’s something else there.

  • dani bayani

    what are you complaining about??? Look around you, for crying out loud!! You have no problem, kid! Write something interesting!

    • MARICEL

      FOR ME ITS INTERESTING SIR, ITS AN OPENER THROUGH READING SOME COMMENTS FOR COUPLES WHO EXPERIENCED LIKE THIS SCENARIO IN MARRIED LIFE.. IF IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE TO YOU.. THEN DONT SAY SOMETHING….OK? PEACE SIR…

      • dani bayani

        just trying to lighten up your mood, kid. Read d papers, watch d news. Local or abroad. Now compare your life with d rest of d world. Dont u see how lucky you are? You have a husband who has a job and who comes home to YOU-EVERY FREAKING NIGHT! For now, give him some slack. Other husbands have 2 or more, others leave their wife, many beat up their wife. One of d reasons why husbands change is because their wives Also changed! Do you understand what a nagger is? Wag mong ituring na problema ang hindi pa problema. Dont be confrontational because that will lead to your real problem. Ituring mo na lang na your husband is getting bored thats why he gets out. Dont push him away. Dont give him a reason to push you away. Good luck.

        • MARICEL

          yeah i am super duper lucky with him and i know i am his luck also…thanks for the advice. I heard from the priest preaching in a wedding, he said a girl is not girl if she is not a nagger. Its already a character of women that men should accept. I am not telling i am a nagger ha kasi wala naman akong ina-nag dahil minsan lang umuuwi ang mister ko.tapos inanag ko pa, ang bad ko nman ko naman db kung ganyan… i just shared what i have heard.

          • dani bayani

            hahaha! Don’t believe your priest! They don’t plaz the game so they don’t know the rules! Just kidding…. seriously, i believe you have a fine life. Thank God and don’t imagine too much, many times, so called ‘friends’ advise causes the real problem between d husband n wife. Stay cool. Gnyt.

            • MARICEL

              yeah i will not be more imaginative but i can’t help, grr ..anywayz…:)gbu.. and gnyt…

              • i think nabo bored ka lang sa daily routine mo, ako kc nahingi ng off sa asawa ko. He will give me some money just to go wherever i want, syempre sa mall ang lagi kong punta at shopping lang then nawawala na boredom ko

                • MARICEL

                  i dont like to go to malls without my family. i used to it already. But everytime i felt bored or already stressed from work i used myself stay in a spa salon..:)

  • Ruben Manriquez

    This is the Filipino attitude. It has virtue however it also can hurt. You only live once so be happy…you have to be frank.. If your partner really love you, then he should respect you.

    • Ms.J

      I agree, do not deprived yourself..make choices for you and your child..youre human, di ka robot..

  • Tama, communicate. I know of a number of people ganyan nangyari, nung magkaanak they started drifting apart.. Pakatatag ka, & God bless!

  • Laraine

    your right marraige is like a job, cause you have to work for it, and it as it has an ups and downs, I hear some wants to quit their job and find another one…but marraige is harder cause you need to maintain it well, to make it successful, because yeah…you are the CEO…of it…guess if it goes downhill…you need higher help….Like God for instance because he gave you what you have… 🙂

  • rexroth

    Yes…stay in there…marriage can’t be ruined..by just our own wants…but can be respected..not by small senseless thing….marriage is the top of any job…its a title that’s unique but hard…we apply for that job..because we think…we are skilled and maybe over qualified:)…our resume …say so…and the good thing…we are the CEO…Coo…or Oo Palatine…general advised?… lets be good at it…be professional and and treat our honeys as our corporate respected bussiness partner.:)

    • Yes its hard but I think being the wife we should try to be innovative in capturing our husbands attention.never stop exploring things that would cultivate your husbands imagination. Remember when you feel your loosing love just remember that you have love him as a friend as a family as a person.

  • communicate with your husband..Let him know what’s in your mind and heart. Never let that agony eat your heart. Marriage is partnership, you don’t have to bear everything alone.