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Of Successes and Failures

Written by: jazminemoira

“You cannot succeed if at some point you haven’t failed.” -Ms Maria Ressa

Had my share of successes in life. It actually came early on. Though I lost my mother while I was starting to establish myself as a young adult and was left with the burden of raising my siblings and supporting some of my cousins, I can fairly say that my first 10 years of being an active member of the proletariat had been successful. There were strings of failures here and there, but these were minor, tolerable and more often than not, necessary.

I started from the grassroots while my contemporaries were already management trainees. They worked for the cream of the crop. Though I can’t say I worked for the cream of the crap, but I definitely could have done better to start my stint as a proletarian. To say the least, it gave me the opportunity to be a part of the working class while enjoying my college life to the fullest, which unwittingly, laid down my career path. Can’t say I regret one single day of me belonging to that industry for it made me see the world. Yes, I did work my *ss out, literally rising from the ranks, one step at a time.

But as they say, some “good things” never last, some must come to an end. One bad call after another, made and sealed it. I was left to pick up the pieces of whatever that’s left. Can’t say that everything I had was taken from me all at once. Can’t say that it was not my fault. It was largely mine, if not entirely mine. Had to face bravely the consequences of the decisions and actions of the past.

With the love and support of my family and friends, I got up and found my self to be proving my own worth once again in another arena. Not an easy road to take, yes, but it was a road that one cannot evade. The choice was not between easy and hard. The choice was between taking the bumpy ride or being stranded in a limbo.

While being at the peak of my game, being on the right track I must say, I took a plunge. I took the diversion road not knowing my way exactly but with a goal to shortcut my way to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

So, here I am now. Back to zero in a totally different arena, a totally different ball game in an entirely unfamiliar battleground. At first, I felt really lost and a loser in the making. Would’ve been better if I were still 21, fresh from the academe and ready to conquer the world. But hell, no! I’m almost way past my prime. And, what of giving up the surefire road to success? What of giving up the time and effort in rebuilding yourself and slowly making it, slowly reaping what you have conscientiously sown? What of….? I could go blabbing on and on….but for what ends? No use crying over spilled milk as they say. Oh well, talk about not well thought-of life altering decisions.

Now, being literally stuck in a glorious haven where I am now, makes me rethink of where I have brought myself and what it has brought me. For one, it has brought me experience (dako dako na jud ka utang nako! hahaha) Secondly, it has made me realize the extent of what I can do and of course, how short and how stretchable my patience can be (What to do yani?). Thirdly, it has made me realize time and again that I am a fighter. I may bend every once in a while but I will never break. I may not emerge the winner in this race but definitely, I will not lose without even trying up to the very end. I have to take responsibility of the choice I have made, whether wise or otherwise.

But most of all, one short-sighted decision brought me unconditional and deep friendship that can last more than a lifetime. Never flawless but always accepting. Never unimpaired but always willing to understand. I truly appreciate the Alondras for their friendship. Wouldn’t have the stamina to battle each day without their support. Somehow, I have found a home away from home.

Despite the “close to hell” that I have to go through at some days, still I know that I am fortunate than others (Dr. Nahid!) and I continue to be truly appreciative and thankful.

They say it comes in 3s, I don’t know where to start counting so I don’t know if this is the third one. But for now, I will set aside the rule of three and just believe Henry Wadsworth Longfellow when he said, “Into each life some rain must fall.” Yes, I know. Sometimes when it rains, it pours (and it pours real hard at times!). Yet, it has also been said that patience is a virtue and that great things come to those who wait.

If this is the road where I failed, then somehow, this is also the road where I shall succeed (whatever that means!).

I’ll wait and I’ll see…

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