How Are You, Old Maid?
- Image by Lady-bug via Flickr
People around seem to think that it is a mistake to be a single woman and it is more worse than having a child while you are living with your parents and your parents are the one who pay everything you use in your day to day life including the things your baby needs. Relatives, friends, acquaintances and even people I could not recognize (if given a chance) would ask me why am I not married and when I will marry. If I answer ” I do not know” most will look at me with sad face and say ” You should marry – it is hard to be alone”. I agree that it is hard to be alone but what if I have not yet found the man I could be with? I myself would want to have a family of my own but I simply have not yet found the right guy for me.
Every morning I wake up and wish that I could just sleep all day long to skip a day of loneliness. Every meal I take I try to feel and think like someone is eating with me – call it crazy or whatever but such is an effect of being alone for a long time.
After my latest failure of trying to find a husband, I feel so bad to the point that I wish to die. Weeks passed by trying to look okay when I know I am not. Then comes a day when life is seems better than it was the other day but I still feel so lonely inside. Somehow I am thankful to God that today I feel better and that I don’t feel so sad being alone as the other day. I want to avoid the thought of being alone, but then I should accept it because if I don’t, I will never be able to reconcile with my situation and life will be worse. I look for a way to entertain myself so to skip the thought of being alone and lonely. I am tired of trying to look for a way to be happy. I am old now and I am finish with going out with friends for fun and doesn’t mind about the future. I am facing a new kind of life and this new life is seems more sad than I had before. I am in my late 30′s trying to be alive and wondering why should I be alive.
Today out of boredom and loneliness, I looked at the mirror thinking of cutting my hair so short like a normal guy. I wonder if I would look okay with an army style. I pull my hair back and try to figure out how it would turn out if I do. Hmm…. my eyes, facial shape, mouth are all so feminine the only problem is my nose it is not so very feminine than I want it to be.
The reason why I want to cut my hair is I want to express my liberation from social expectations I might not be able to reach. I also want myself to feel good, as I will have less to worry about my hair and in doing so I will also be healthier as I don’t have to put much chemicals in my head, aside from that there are more reasons behind it. At the end of long hours in front the mirror I decided to not cut it too short. I looked at the clock and I realized that I had been in front the mirror longer than usual. It is a gift to look at the mirror longer than 20 minutes – many women do not have much privilege to do that more than 7 times a week. If you think it is fun – yes it is but if you do that often it is not that fun at all. I wish someone could interrupt me and ask what I feel, think and what I plan to do. But no one is there to do so. After looking at my face in the mirror and wishing that someone is there to help me figure out what to do with my hair and tell me that whatever I will do with it I will still be the most beautiful woman in his eyes – I ended up thinking that perhaps I should wait a few more days, months and years to finally cut my hair short. Who knows a lot of guys are more attracted to a woman with a long hair than short – I would want to give myself a chance to find Mr. Right.
As for the time being – I am a free woman. I can do almost anything I want to do with my body and no one is there to tell me how I should look and I never have to worry if no one is impressed with the way I look (it seems). All I want to think about is me, I and myself. I am free to eat whatever I like, to do whatever I like, to look how ever I like and to plan the future in any way I like. It feels good to be free sometimes but to feel so free for long is not. I feel like I am in a prison alone and no one is there to even talk to me for awhile. So sad to think about it but I better make the best of what I have.
©Copyright 2012, Definitely Filipino™ Blog Network. All rights reserved. Unless otherwise stated, all articles in this blog are opinions of their respective authors and not necessarily of Definitely Filipino and its staff.
DF Community 
NoBenta 
ragubalane 
abq 
Anna 
Thadie MD 
Lui B. 
Mga-sulat-kamay 
Mommyjoyce 
Ms.J 
a_dauz 
ejaybasaliso 
Caloy 
bobbyw59 
Den Dominguez 
Marami na ako nakilala na strong willed woman,successful na. But they arey are singles too. Just like dumating na rin sila sa point na they wantto start their own family. Being single doesnt stop you from having a child..kung ready ka na to be a mother, emotionally, physically, lalo na emotionally..go..have a child…adopt one or have a baby of your own..thats what i did, my own child from a donor…and im happy …after 3 years, blessings in disguise ang anak ko, i found a father to him later…
Good idea. Inisip ko rin yan and isa yan sa mga plan ko. If God will allow I will adopt a baby or a child in the future. Thanks for the comment.
You seemed young to me…im35 and in a relationship with a married man, na kahit ako ang mahal nya , i cant have him. You are single and pretty. You will find him…in my case i stop looking dahil alam ko sa puso ko na mahal k ang bf ko, many times i tried leaving him, ganun din sya, alam naming mali pareho, but we cant live without each other, pareho kaming destructive sa isat isa…
I really dont what to advice to u but i hope u will find happiness on being single too mahirap ma inlove ng sobra…
It is sad to love someone who makes your life more complicated and it is more sad to think that the person you love might only be with you for a while. Any way I wish you happiness, love and peace of mind. Sana makaka kita ka rin ng taong para lang sayo. It is hard to share someone we love to another person kasama na din don ang time, attention, pag unawa at iba pa. I wish you all the best. Thanks for the comment : )
Maybe I missed it but I don’t think you mentioned that you have a job… I think finding and having one will really decrease the loneliness.
We’re on the same boat… I’m in my late 20′s and still not married, yeah people are starting to ask why on earth am I still not married, I just replied ” Eh wala pa talaga eh, ano gusto nyo manghataw ako ng lalake sa ulo at kapag nakatulog iuwi ko na?” LOL. I used to be a ball of loneliness too but I realized that I shouldn’t waste my days… because I got great friends, family and career.
I know I’ll find him someday but for now I’ll enjoy my journey. If someday I find that I am destined to be alone… I’ll just shrug and say ” Well, at least I gave it a shot.” It is scary to think that you’ll be alone someday but it is scarier to think that you get there unprepared. People can’t bring you down unless you let them.
I am actually busy everyday as I have to take care of my house and some things to run in my business. I am also planning to do something more so I am also busy with research and a lot more. I also like to read, write, watch t.v, take care of my garden as I like vegetables, I have 2 dogs to take care to. But at the end of the day (sometimes) I wish I have someone with. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about just anything and to plan the future with and to do things together, make some goal with and work hand in hand to reach the goal.
You are younger than me and you sure have more chance than I (it seems). But it does not mean that I don’t have a chance as I have but at this time I am more careful who to be with and that also adds a reason why I stay single for long.
Sometimes I am worried about my future. It will be more harder to leave alone when we are already old and our health decline to the point that we will be needing help almost on anything that needs to be done. But God almighty gives me comfort and I know that God almighty will never leave me and he has a plan for me.
I remember a t.v ad the little girl said “try and try until you succeed” perhaps the girl is right we should try and try until we succeed lol. It is really hard to find the right guy specially when you get older and become more choosy. Some people said that people at my age or near my age are not suppose to be choosy in looking for a life time partner – it is like saying go ahead waste your life nothing much is left anyway lol. I would rather be alone than be with someone whom I don’t love or who don’t love me.